As you may or may not have noticed in your daily adventures, millennials are deeply attuned to tech, Google glassing on their explodey hoverboards while making Vine videos about the Tweets that they just sent from their Apple watches. But despite that familiarity, they aren’t usually aware of or interested in the tech that came before them or the real struggle that people who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s knew (and loved, because it was all there was). So, lets pour one out for the old tech that served as a bridge to the bright new day of communication, selfies, and streaming movies on the toilet — the tech that millennials couldn’t pick out of a lineup.
Dial Up Modems
Kids these days don’t know the pain that used to be involved with getting online. Aside from the familiar screech that could nearly make your ears bleed, there was a ton of coordination required. Because it used the phone lines, you had to beg your mother to let you commandeer the main means of communication in order to update your LiveJournal and change your away status on AIM to that Tori Amos lyric that just speaks to you.
Analog Cell Phones
LOL and emojis have become an integral part of communication, and phones nowadays are essentially pocket sized computers. But before that, we had our brick sized analog phones. Sure, they eventually shrunk down to Nokias and Razors, but even then, it was a totally different experience. When texting finally became a thing, you had to suffer your way through T-9, and GOD FORBID you accidentally hit the Internet button. You wouldn’t really see anything, but you would be slapped with some pretty insane charges. That battery power, though.
Answering Machines
Ah, the landline. Waiting your turn to make a call, and always fearing the risk of nosey siblings listening in on another receiver. Still, possibly the worst part of the landline was the answering machine. Trying to cram in all of the information before you were unceremoniously cut off was nearly impossible. Also impossible? Trying to sound cool while leaving one. Inevitably, you’d choke and say something stupid, and there is no way to take it back, unlike voicemail, where you can lay down 15 cuts before finding the right rhythm.
Pagers
At this point, can you imagine a world without texting? Millennials are so dependent on texting that we’ve practically reverted back to hieroglyphics as an acceptable form of communication. You can reach anyone anywhere with a few taps on your touch screen, but it was not always so. No, we had to be content with some 911 code on pagers before tracking down a pay phone to respond. Speaking of…
Pay Phones
Before everyone had an iPhone in their pocket, one of the only ways to contact someone when you were out and about was a payphone. Sure, Maroon 5 made it popular again with a catchy love song, but for the most part, these dinosaurs are extinct. Occasionally you still see them out in the wild, but there’s always something a little off about it, like a dog wearing pants or a receiver being caked in gum.
Fax Machines
Once email became prevalent (and free!), fax machines were never going to survive. Between jammed paper and unreliable phone lines, fax machines were doomed from the start. If things keep going as they are, no one will even use paper anymore. Millennials are definitely going paper free, but at least we’ll always have Office Space.
Floppy Disks
The only lingering reminder of the floppy disk is the “Save” button in Microsoft Word. Honestly, if you asked any millennial what it was, they would react with blank stares. Floppy disks definitely had their day, but now they’re as dead as Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller’s marriage (too soon?).
VCRs
Once DVDs came on the scene, temperamental VHS tapes were quickly on the way out. Between having to be kind and rewind and the familiar, grainy quality of the picture, VCRs were never going to survive in the instant gratification era. And while the ease of use and crystal clarity of the Blu-Ray is definitely incredible, will millennials ever be able to see the original cut of the Star Wars trilogy?
Camera Film/Records/Typewriters
I group these together for the simple reason that while they are indeed obsolete, hipsters keep them alive. And I have to admit, there is a certain appeal to pictures on film, the pops and clicks of a record player, and tactile feel of a typewriter that just cannot be duplicated with the more modern models. However, don’t be that guy who brings his own typewriter to work on his screenplay at the local coffeeshop. No one likes that guy.
