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Don’t Put These Things In Your Tinder Profile Unless You Want To Die Alone

Tinder has quickly become the dating app of choice for the simple fact that sometimes it feels like you’re just playing a game on your phone. Still, there’s nothing wrong with putting the tiniest bit of effort into creating the best profile possible. Unless you’re planning to just to swipe right on everyone to see all of your matches, chances are, you and your fellow Romance Explorers (and/or Booty Seekers) may take a peek at someone’s profile beyond just the first picture. They say you catch more flies with honey, so here are a few tips to put your best face forward for the judging of the masses.

Stop taking unsmiling selfies against blank, beige walls.

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This sort of photo continues to pop up, and their prevalence is truly inexplicable. These pictures, intentional or not, communicate two things: I don’t have any friends to take a better photo, and I might turn you into a skin suit after our date. I don’t make the rules, but these creeptastic photos aren’t doing anyone any favors. Go outside and have a buddy (surely you have at least one) take some that don’t have the “it puts the lotion in the basket” vibe. You may even get a superlike out of that.

Not every photo can be a group photo.

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While a group photo is a good way to prove that other people can stand to be around you, too many can turn into a horny game of Where’s Waldo, which is a lot less fun than it sounds. That being said, it does take guts to post a photo where you are not the hottest person featured, and some people go for that kind of gumption. Or they’ll wish they could get your friend’s number. It’s a crapshoot.

Your profile should not be a political statement. 

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It’s an election year, which means everyone’s political freak flag is flying high, but sometimes it’s best to hide that light under a basket. No one wants to hear about how Bernie Sanders is our only hope or how Trump is going to make America great again when they’re on a date quest. Sure, political discourse is probably a turn on for some people, but our current crop of candidates is not likely to inspire anything other than revulsion. That is exactly the opposite of what you’re going for here.

Seriously, what is the deal with all the guns and fish?

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This may be some subliminal way to tell women that you’re just like the hunter gatherers of old, but seriously, ease up with the guns and fish in your profile pictures. I get it, the gun is your penis, but surely there are more interesting ways to prove that you’re outdoorsy.

Your profile should not contain any pictures from your past wedding.

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Dear newly divorced dad: I know that this was the best you’ve ever looked. Women love a man in a suit. However, it’s weird. While it is likely that you’re just looking for a rebound right now, that’s one of those tidbits of information that you keep to yourself if you want to score. Best not to put it all out there at once.

Shirtless selfies are an automatic disqualifier.

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Listen, if you play your cards right, you may get to show that naked torso to an actual human. I understand that you’ve worked hard for those muscles, and trust me, someone will want to see them, but the endless line up of gym selfies usually comes off a bit desperate. Sure, no one will ever ask “do you even lift, bro?” but at what cost? As soon as someone asks for one, share your meticulously photographed abs. Until then, have the tiniest bit of chill.

Fraternity and sorority letters have no business on your profile.

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If you’re over 25 and your Greek letters are proudly and prominently displayed in your profile, this tells people that you probably peaked in college. People don’t really care that much about your past; most are more interested in your present. If you can’t tell potential dates anything about yourself except for an organization that you used to be a part of, it might be time to cultivate some new hobbies.

Don’t link to your YouTube channel or ask people if they want to hear your music.

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This feels like a trick. Tinder is not open mic night. Girl, that dude did not swipe right because he thinks you sound like the second coming of Alanis Morissette. Music has been a wooing tool since pretty much the dawn of time, but it really only works if it doesn’t come off as a ploy to further your internet fame. That’s what your Twitter account is for.

Don’t have a totally blank profile, but keep the cliches to a minimum.

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Much like the beige selfies mentioned above, a totally blank profile is a major red flag. You don’t need to channel your inner Tolstoy, but a few sentences about yourself to prove that you aren’t a bot go a long way. On the flip side, however, claiming that you’re “just looking for my Tinderella” or “who wants to be my partner in crime?” isn’t as cute or original as you think it is. Also, I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but experience demands it: Having aggressive catchphrases like “Only God Can Judge Me” featured prominently in your profile will definitely kill the mood.

Don’t overthink it.

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If every single photo you post is a duck face or some unironic version of Blue Steel, people are going to roll their eyes and keep swiping. A few pictures that show the best version of you go a long way. Chances are, someone will be into what you’re laying down.

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