It’s been a long winter. The past few months have been filled with storm after storm — battering us to no end. We’ve been forced to stay inside, curled under the blankets until it’s all over. And that’s just the politics! There’s been snow, too. And sleet. And for those of us in California, slightly more rain than usual (we’ve suffered the hardest, obviously). In short: it’s been rough.
So with spring starting this week, we’re turning our attention to sunshine, warmth, and birds singing in the trees. Because we f*cking need this. We’re like the anti-Starks. “Spring is coming!”
Around the world, flowers are taking note and blooming, their colorful petals reminding us that all seasons have an end. Even seasons of the show Supernatural do eventually end (though the show will outlive us all).
So look at the most beautiful gardens in the world and know that no matter how tough it is now, spring is here. And while everything will probably be just as shitty, it will be shitty in sunlight. And that’s always just a tiny bit better, isn’t it?
The Wisteria Tunnel at Kawachi Fuji Gardens, Japan
How romantic is this? Featuring over a 150 Wisteria plants, you’ll want to visit from late April until early May to see the flowers in full bloom. This tunnel looks like something out of a fairy tale and you’ll feel like a fairy tale princess! Although, 2017 is more like a Grimm-style fairy tale and not one of the Disney versions so you’ll probably end up disemboweled at the end. But is there a prettier place to be horribly murdered and eaten?
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The Cherry Blossoms, Washington D.C.
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The first two Cherry Blossom trees in D.C. were presented as a gift from the mayor of Tokyo and his wife to the people of Washington D.C. in 1912, and since then Cherry Blossoms have become an iconic part of the D.C. spring landscape. These beautiful trees are a huge draw for tourists each year who love seeing the national monuments amidst the pretty pink petals. However this year, due to extreme cold, they might not have a particularly good season.
The parks service is crossing their fingers that some trees may still be able to bloom. But they probably won’t because happiness eludes us all and life is just a slow march towards our inevitable deaths.
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The Keukenhof Gardens, The Netherlands
Also known as the “Garden of Europe” this flower filled paradise is one of the largest gardens in the world! And this spring, they have more than seven million bulbs in bloom. Which is a coincidence because “seven million” is the amount you’re going to owe for healthcare every month now!
Why do we keep getting bleak? Sorry! It’s spring!
The Anza-Borrego Super Bloom, California
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The Anza-Borrego Desert State Park is in a rare super bloom right now. The record rain fall has caused the most flowers to spring up in a decade. But if you want to head to the park this week, know that you’re in for some heavy traffic and long wait times. The area has been absolutely swamped with nature enthusiasts traveling from all over the country and so you are just going to have to WAIT YOUR TURN.
The parks service recommends that those looking to Instagram pictures of themselves in a crop top and flowy skirt amongst flowers go on weekdays or early mornings when traffic is a bit more manageable.
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Claude Monet’s Garden, Giverny, Northern France
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They say that the painter loved his gardens and put his heart and soul into maintaining them when he was alive. And now that he’s dead, he’s even more active! The painter’s vengeful ghost still strolls the property looking for children to steal away. They say the famous lily pads are soaked with the blood of the innocent, and that’s what makes them so buoyant!
Okay, maybe that’s not true, but a garden this nice doesn’t have to have a cool ghost story. It just has to be pretty.
Lavender Fields, Provence, France
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The lavender blooms in Provence draw visitors from all over the world who travel to this southern region in France to experience the charming countryside and take in the vast scope of purple flowers and strong scent that wafts from the fields.
I had a great joke here about what the smell came from but my editor cut it because he’s obviously still in a winterish mood.
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Blue Bonnets, Hill Country, Texas
The pretty blue flowers absolutely cover this area of Texas and are just too adorable for words. There are just a plethora of blue bonnets that spring up every year. So many in fact, that they say there’s one blue bonnet for every gun in the state.
Don’t believe that. That’s too many flowers.
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Cape Floral Kingdom, South Africa
This South African flower mecca is the smallest of the world’s dedicated floral kingdoms and the greatest non-tropical concentration of higher plant species in the world. And the combination of the gorgeous flowers with the amazing wildlife makes it a must-visit location.
Mainau Island, Germany
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This beautiful island is dedicated to flowers. Known as the flower island, the many species, gardens, and thousands of butterflies make it a unique, lovely place to visit! And its isolation makes it the perfect place for an eccentric billionaire to use it for his wild hunt of the world’s most dangerous game, man. Get out your guide book as you dodge the bullets because you don’t want to miss a single one of the beautiful species of wildflower that grace the island’s picturesque shore!
Okay, truth be told the only shots there are taken with cameras. We’re just trying to keep you on your toes.
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Death Valley Wildflowers, California
Last year Death Valley had a super bloom! Looks like you missed it. Just like you missed your one chance for true love. It was two years ago and your soulmate was just two tables away in that bar you were at. She smiled at you and tried to make small talk. But you were too scared to talk to her, and so you let the chance slip from your fingers.
That was it. She was the one. And you blew it, buddy. You really blew it.
This year in Death Valley it’s just a normal, sad collection of flowers counting down their last days of sunshine before they succumb to the sweet release of death. Just like you. Alone, walking through the desert of existence wishing for someone, anyone to care about you. The flowers are pretty….I guess. Did we get bleak again, happy spring!
