When my husband and I decided to get married, we were in the car discussing the particulars of a horrible wedding we’d just attended. I said “you want to get married?” He said “New number, who dis?” and two weeks later we eloped! While our friends hounded us about the fact that we didn’t have a romantic proposal story, it was perfect for us, and if you’re one of those people who isn’t really into all that “romantic sh*t” then this story will vindicate all your beliefs.
If you’re the type of person who does want a romantic proposal on a secluded beach or some far-flung mountain somewhere, here’s a tip: Don’t do it on a rock under a waterfall because you’re going to regret your entire life.
This isn’t an advice piece, though, so let’s check out some actual cold hard evidence: Meet Isaiah Adams and his girlfriend Grace (last name redacted because OMG HOW EMBARRASSING) who got engaged at Cunningham Falls State Park in Maryland and immediately regretted the decision.
From Refinery 29:
He got down on one knee, she said yes, she kissed him, and he was about to slip the engagement ring on her finger…
When the ring went tumbling down into the water. You can hear her screaming, “Oh my god!” in the video below. “I was crying with happiness, but then I was crying with fear at the same time. I looked up and his face was just shock,” Grace told Inside Edition. They never found the ring.
They never found the ring. You want to see the video? Of course you do:
Of course, the pair say they’re still going to get married because their true love trumps all other things (maybe they’ll even turn this experience into an inspirational book that will sell millions and launch their successful speaking careers) but the message remains: It’s time to stop bringing flash mobs, innocent by-standers, and waterfalls into your proposals and start going a little smaller. (You can still post a picture of your big-ass rock on Instagram for the next four months; no one’s going to judge you if it wasn’t handed to you under a waterfall in the freezing cold).
“But where should I propose, if not under a wall of frigid water?” you may be asking yourself. Here are a few fun ideas:
- At home, in private, where no one not involved in the relationship has to be involved in the proposal. Also, there are either carpets or linoleum floors in your home (I don’t know your life), making it much harder for you to lose a ring.
- At a restaurant that is special to both of you, but in a quiet way that doesn’t force other diners to clap for you and feel like they have to buy you dessert or come up and congratulate you after in a passive-aggressive way because you hijacked their dinner and now their partner wants to know where the hell their ring is.
- In a park! Because there’s grass! Unlike water, grass is not a fast-moving substance (just FYI) and will make it easy to find the ring someone spent an entire month’s salary on (and probably didn’t get insured) if it gets dropped. There are also often children at parks and they might help you look for the ring if it is lost.
- Literally anywhere but someone else’s wedding.
- On a beach! Sand is also slow-moving! Beaches are nice. And the pictures will look good.
- At the dive bar you’re drunk at during your first tinder date because like, oh my god, this person is literally perfect so why not make this official? Wait, where are you going? I want to get to know you better! I just told you I want to marry you.
- Mordor.
Best of luck! Insure that ring!
