There isn’t a season that isn’t cold season, really. If you aren’t getting a winter cold, you are getting a summer one. And, chances are, you are complaining miserably about a sniffle. Suck it up.
Certainly, there are sickness scenarios that are terrible. If you are coughing blood into a hanky in a Victorian novel, you have every right to complain (and worry). But, if you are taking the day off work and napping on the couch while Price is Right plays, you need to realize that you’re kinda living the good life.
In fact, there are a lot of great aspects to the common cold and it’s time they got the respect they deserve.
No One Wants To Be Near You
Any annoying social encounter you have tried to shy away from is eliminated in one nose blow. You won’t be asked to happy hour or to work overtime and cubicle mates will instantly find an excuse to be anywhere but near you. The same thing will happen at home as you miraculously get the bed all to yourself and everyone steers clear of you besides the dog. You get to go your own way. You and the dog on a Netflix adventure.
Vacation Time
In many jobs, because no one wants to be near your sick ass, you are encouraged not to come to work. Granted, you may lay at home freaking out about all the work you’re missing out on before you start working from home (because you have a different kind of sickness), but those first few hours of nervousness and restlessness are still closer to a vacation than anything you’ve had in awhile.
Day Time TV
What do you do when you stay home? Terrible TV, of course. Yes, tech has re-shaped this to mean a lot more people will dip into a streaming hole when they’re sick (#NetflixAndChills), but the diehards will enjoy a little AM telly. Judge Judy? Totes. I Love Lucy re-runs? Naturally. Supermarket Sweep? Yes, gawd. And what about Live! With Kelly And Michael? Gotta see how that drama tornado resolves itself.
Napping
The people in your life aren’t trying to slowly kill you with sleep deprivation, they just can’t stop making noises and appointments that always seem to force you into a state of never-rest. The impact on your immune system from never getting more than a few hours of sleep is probably partially to blame for you getting sick in the first place. But when you’re home with a cold long before the kids or your significant other gets home and you’re not some kind of crazy workaholic, the world is designed around you and your lazy ass being wrapped in a blanket and slipping in and out of consciousness. You’ll never bring the score back to even, but you’ll at least get a few points on the board.
Nyquil
Listen, read the box and follow the instructions, of course. But also take some pleasure in knowing that when you’re sick, you have basically been given permission by society (and a Target cashier) to get f*cked up on manna in the form of Nyquil, Robitussin, or some kind of generic cold medicince (there’s no judgement for budget trippers here).
Comfort Food
When you are able to wrestle your way back to consciousness, you get to indulge all of your food cravings (provided you’re dealing with sniffles and not some kind of stomach bug that has no business having a cute name like sniffles). Does your sore throat require sorbet? All yours. Chinese delivery? That too. If you are good at being sick, you will even be able to guilt your mom, friend, or partner into making you soup. Or a ham (just ask them and see what happens!)
Sexy Voice
After the snot dripping and hacking have lessened, you are usually left with a deep, sultry voice. For ladies, it’s one-part sex line operator and one-part femme fatale. For gents, it maxes out your gravelly-toned loner side. Ideally, you won’t be contagious when your voice attracts every horny person within range, but if you are, well, then all your going to do is give them the tremendous and relaxing gift that your germs will unlock.
