You’ve probably (I say “probably.” I don’t know your life.) never had to test out your combat skills while facing off against a sometimes invisible alien hunter that specializes in wasting dudes that get in its way. That being said, you can still learn a thing or two from Arnold Schwarzenegger and the rest of his tough as nails commandos while watching the ’80s action classic, Predator.
As we celebrate 30 years of screaming “Get to the choppah,” it’s also worth remembering those lines that should inspire you should you ever have to throw down (or more likely, just sound like a total badass to scare off anyone who would dare try to push you around).
“What’s the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? Huh? Had enough?” — Dutch
Somewhere along the way in the creative process, someone decided that Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers would engage in a totally human greeting: the Arm Wrestle Hand Shake. Obviously, Dutch and Dillon could only interact in meaningful ways if there was an element of competition, with these two tough dudes constantly circling each other like angry cats. If you find that you have to physically intimidate an opponent, this kind of power flex might be just the move to get them to step down. Just make sure you aren’t skipping arm day at the gym. Otherwise, you’ll just look silly.
“I ain’t got time to bleed.” — Blain
Jesse Ventura’s Blain may have died hard at the hands of the Predator, but he certainly managed some testosterone-filled machismo before being ripped to shreds. If you want whoever is picking this fight to know exactly how little of a sh*t you give, this gem is probably your best bet. It may even end the fight before it happens, which is probably the best outcome.
“Bleed, bastard.” — Dutch
Has there ever been anyone as good at the tough guy quip as Schwarzenegger? Sometimes it’s the simplest phrases that can evoke the most terror. If a tough guy is keeping his words brief, that’s just giving him more time to kick ass. The classic villain monologue is one thing, but the hero’s one-liner can be a lot more effective.
“Time to let Ol’ Painless’ out of the bag.” — Mac
Mac (Bill Duke) isn’t given as many moments of violent heroism as his compatriots before meeting a bloody end at the hands of the Predator, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a zinger or two in for good measure. While Painless may have been Blain’s giant gun, you could adapt a similar premise. Should a fight ensue, having badass names for your fists — honestly, Dutch and Dillon are better than decent options — could add an element of intimidation. However, the wrong names could make you look like a fool, so creativity is key. More Tango & Cash, less Skimbleshanks & Rumpelteazer.
“You got a real bad attitude.” — Dillon
Before he had the greatest death scene of this or any movie, Dillon was a military man through and through, focusing on completing his mission. By pointing out the weaknesses in others, Dillon built upon his own machismo and made himself appear even more indestructible. Unfortunately, sheer badassery didn’t save him in the end, but maybe you’ll have better luck in your own battles. By pointing out your enemy’s weaknesses, you may even make them reconsider the fight altogether.
“You are one ugly motherf*cker!” — Dutch
Or, you can just say to hell with it. Because sometimes, straightforward name-calling is all it takes to scare someone away from a fight before it begins. Wipe yourself in the metaphorical mud and ensure your victory by forfeit. Which is good. Because, let’s face it, Predator can help you build upon your badass cache (no bleeding required), but you do not have the biceps, pain tolerance, or license to lay waste like Dutch. You’re a quipper, not a ripper. So you should be aiming hard for that forfeit.
