Joey Ryan’s Surprise In-Ring Bachelor Party Ended With The World’s Most Dangerous Lap Dance

Pro wrestler Joey Ryan has a busy schedule. On Wednesdays, he’s an undercover cop on a telenovela about a supernatural wrestling promotion. From Thursdays to Tuesdays he’s trying to either retain or get back the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship while it’s in the United States, and whenever he’s not doing that, he’s using his penis to become a viral superstar. Uh, not like that.

In case you missed it, Joey has an incredibly strong, prehensile penis. No, I don’t know how it works. But he can grab you and flip you with it, and if anyone’s touching you while it happens, they get flipped too. Flipped for real. As it turns out from this clip from Championship Wrestling From Hollywood’s Red Carpet Rumble, Joey doesn’t always know how it works, either.

Here’s what you need to know: After losing a match, Joey is surprised by his friend in VERMIN, who may also be an evil organization from an 80s cartoon. Joey is recently engaged — you might’ve seen that, too — so they decide to combine his impending marriage and porn tentpole sponsorship by throwing him a surprise bachelor party featuring the YouPorn All-Stars.

It’s all surprisingly safe-for-work fun and games until Eva Angelina — a former AVN Award winner for Best Actress, thank you very much — forgets that Joey’s Danger Zone is an ACTUAL DANGER ZONE.

Frankly, it’s all about instincts. Shinsuke Nakamura’s gonna keep trying to knee you with his left leg even if it’s been hurt during the match, and Joey Ryan’s gonna flip you with his magic super penis even if you’re being friendly. The YouPorn Plex ain’t ballet. PLEASE BE CAREFUL, EVERYONE.