For pure entertainment value, it doesn’t get much better than Bartolo Colon. Ever since his comeback with the Yankees in 2011, he’s been baseball’s most affable fat old dude, made all the more likable by the fact that he can still pitch pretty damn well. He turns 43 today, and he remains a consistently effective No. 5 starter for the Mets (who have a pretty deep rotation), as well as a guy who seems to provide us with at least one memorable moment per game.
In 2013, he overcame a PED suspension and finished sixth in the Cy Young voting at the age of 39. That was cool enough, but the following year, he signed with the Mets, a National League team. This meant that for the first time since his days with the Expos (and the occasional interleague game), we would get to see Colon bat!
The results were predictably amazing. For the last two years, Bartolo Colon’s at-bats have brought us joy and an endless number of GIFs, as his awkward swing and motion was just undeniably hilarious. Specifically, it led to moments like this:
Then, something shocking happened earlier this season: Bartolo Colon hit a home run. The first one of his career, at the age of 42. It was an incredible moment, where baseball fans of all walks of life could be happy for one of the most likable and entertaining players in the game. But while Colon has been both a major source of happiness, and a pretty solid pitcher in the latter stage of his career, there is one unfortunate thing we have to make peace with: barring an act of God, he almost certainly won’t make the Hall of Fame.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzLERV9l9Vs
Of course, sometimes, his limitations can get in the way of his performance. That happened in Monday night’s game against the Nationals. First, he told Nats catcher Wilson Ramos that he wasn’t going to swing at a single pitch during his at-bat. Then, he let Ryan Zimmerman steal second, because he appeared to not actually notice that it was happening.
[mlbvideo id=”730548783″ width=”650″ height=”360″ /]
And yet, even as he’s gotten older, he can still make the occasional amazing play, like this ridiculous behind the back throw to first last season:
Obviously, his PED use in 2012 would work against him, but even if we count on sportswriters being more forgiving of such indiscretions by the time Colon is up for admittance into the Hall, he doesn’t quite have the numbers to back it up, even with a Cy Young in 2005, and three All-Star appearances. His career WAR is 46 (not counting what he’s done this season), which is well below the average WAR of 73.9 for pitchers in the Hall of Fame. Despite being ridiculously fun and pretty good at his job for 20 years, Colon will not be making it into Cooperstown.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t honor him! What if we created a separate Hall, where we honored players for just being fun? In fact, that’s what we’re calling it, the Hall of Fun. It’s settled. And Bartolo is getting in on the first ballot. Let’s be honest, baseball can be ridiculously stodgy sometimes, with endless complaints about bat-flips, and playing the game “the right way.” All of that old-school conservatism can take the joy out of the sport, which is why we should celebrate those who add a bit of fun and color to the game.
Colon is the first inductee, but we can’t have a class of just one, so here are some other players who deserve an award just for making baseball a little more interesting:
Rich Garces: El Guapo! Let’s just be honest; fat pitchers are fun. He was Bartolo Colon before there was Bartolo Colon, so naturally, he needs to be in the Hall of Fun on the first ballot, too.
Nyjer Morgan: Reflecting on the 2011 Brewers is kind of a bummer. Ryan Braun’s PED suspension (and the fact that he lied about it) derailed his career in a way that he is just now starting to recover from, and Prince Fielder left for Detroit in the offseason. What’s the one lasting memory of this team we can hold on to? This:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLMebpiT0VM
What a beautiful display of passion and love for the game! F*ck yeah, indeed, T-Plush.
Munenori Kawasaki: While Kawasaki is a solid defender, his sub-par offensive output makes it difficult to justify giving him consistent playing time. But that doesn’t matter because of this:
And this:
And this:
Seriously, how could anyone not love this guy? And that’s just the beginning. You could spend an entire afternoon watching YouTube clips of Kawasaki being baseball’s most lovable goofball.
Oil Can Boyd: His name was Oil Can. He’s in.
Julio Franco and Jamie Moyer: Anyone who plays until they’re really, really old gets in automatically, even if they weren’t that fun when they were playing. Nothing makes you feel younger than seeing a 48-year-old who can steal a base, or watching a 49-year-old strike out someone less than half his age.
Brian Wilson: One of the best closers in the game during his prime, Wilson’s career ended far too soon, but The Beard gave us plenty of goofy moments, like this classic TMZ interview:
Rickey Henderson: Yeah, I know, he’s already in the real Hall of fame, so this might seem a bit unnecessary, but any museum honoring purely entertaining baseball players that doesn’t include Rickey is not one that I’d want to visit.
