If real life carried hashtags, there would be a big #whitepeopleproblems at the end of every story about David Ortiz flipping his bat after a home run and pissing off the Yankees. The way people have been reacting you’d think he flipped his bat, punched Mark Teixeira in the dick on the way around, blew a kiss to A.J. Burnett on his way past third and toppled a makeshift set of Red Sox-played bowling pins as he pantomimed an exploding bomb at home plate. Nope, he basically just did what he always did, and even the smallest charismatic outbursts must be smothered to death by Major League Baseball.
Before you read today’s Dugout, click the hashtag up there and catch up on the story. When you’re done, be sure to hop over to Facebook and “like” The Dugout, so you can have an additional page on the Internet where I’m begging you to leave comments.
Today’s Dugout follows.
The Dugout
| OrtizItThisOne: oh ok so you aren’t upset with me for flipping my bat at all | |
| GirardiAndCola: upset? pshhh, whatever, that’s just the media, the "liberal media" blowing things out of proportion again | |
| GirardiAndCola: you know how the liberal media can be | |
| OrtizItThisOne: mmhm, they can be extremely liberal | |
|
GirardiAndCola: but nooo, you can flip the bat however you want, just because I don’t CARE for it doesn’t mean I’m upset, heh, I mean I haven’t even heard the guys talking about it |
|
| OrtizItThisOne: ok | |
| GirardiAndCola: mmm, have you had a chance to try Jorge Posada’s sangria? /sips putrid, clotted liquid out of brandy snifter | |
| OrtizItThisOne: is that some kind of sex thing, I can never tell with you guys | |
| OrtizItThisOne: one time jeter asked me if I remembered kevin maas, and I said yeah, but it turned out no, no I did not remember what he calls kevin maas | |
| GirardiAndCola: mmm no it’s delicious /barf-swallows | |
|
OrtizItThisOne: happy you came in here and ate some crow, I was gonna tell you to "take it like a man" |
|
| GirardiAndCola: eat crow? No, I’m not Dominican, I don’t eat crow | |
| OrtizItThisOne: /glares | |
| GirardiAndCola: no I just wanted to explain myself, because I said "David Ortiz can go f**k himself" and the media, you know the media, they just blew it out of proportion | |
| GirardiAndCola: A.J.’s not upset. A.J., are you upset? | |
| BurnettAfterReading: No, I’m not upset. I was just talking to Dave Barry over at Grantland.com about it. | |
| BurnettAfterReading: He’s gonna turn it into a 700,000 word essay! | |
| OrtizItThisOne: about what | |
| BurnettAfterReading: well, baseball, a little, but mostly some TV show … sorry, he told me, but I forgot what he said four seconds later | |
| GirardiAndCola: Mark’s not mad. Mark, are you mad? | |
| TeixMeix: Of course not, skip! I’m prayin’ for him! | |
| OrtizItThisOne: you pray a lot, then | |
| TeixMeix: Yup! I got hit by a pitch and prayed that Our Lord™ would heal my wounds. And today I feel sort of better! | |
| TeixMeix: just goes to show you the power of prayer, and not time or our our bodies | |
|
OrtizItThisOne: cool story bro |
|
| OrtizItThisOne: nah the yanks are fine, I know you aren’t mad, I’ve hit 370 bombs in the big leagues and only bat flipped this one, against ya’ll, so you knew how much I hated and owned you | |
| GirardiAndCola: mm it’s mostly the Red Sox who’ve been rankled. I know Tito was especially rankled. | |
| FranconaBun: What’s rankled? My pants are rankled! | |
|
OrtizItThisOne: /facepalm |
|
|
FranconaBun: what my pants "continue to be painful and fester", isn’t that what "rankled" means |
|
| KingOfPap: my pance are rankled i slep innem | |
| GirardiAndCola: Aren’t you supposed to be suspended? | |
| KingOfPap: coach daddy help me peel it | |
| FranconaBun: That’s "appeal" it, Jonathan. | |
| GirardiAndCola: Shut up RANKLER, nobody asked you! | |
| OrtizItThisOne: YOU SHUT UP, TAKE THIS LIKE A MAN /flips bat | |
| GirardiAndCola: BLEAARHH | |
| MannyTheTorpedoes: jennaman jennaman pleace yor innerupten game of spies | |
| KingOfPap: u wan keep playen spies | |
|
MannyTheTorpedoes: k what do spies do |
|
| KingOfPap: get spended | |
| GirardiAndCola: He retired! He can’t be here! He’s not allowed in this chatroom! He quit baseball because of drugs and fled the country! | |
| MannyTheTorpedoes: happen offscreen, evry1 forget no1 curr | |
| GirardiAndCola: /gets rankled | |
| TeixMeix: I’m sorry, did one of you say you were going to "pray spies" |
