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** Online Host **
Welcome to the Pittsburgh Pirates Spring “Training” Chatroom!
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HurdleWax: Can I uh, can I help you |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: wanna try out for dem pirits |
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HurdleWax: That’s not something you can just “do” … it takes years of practice, a lifetime of experience and also costs 20 dollars. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ya playin righ /flashes World Series ring |
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HurdleWax: /gets erection |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: yee my name da meat tree i playd it up fa dem nats, fattin it up like a muhf**ka at first like fo years ago |
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HurdleWax: Dmitri Young? Sorry, I didn’t recognize you, you aren’t smoking somebody’s skull like a bong. |
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HurdleWax: wait, when did you win the World Series |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aint, got this back in oh-ate when i bit off bobby kielty finger |
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HurdleWax: Well, good to see you again. How’s the diabetes treating you? |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aight i jus got my weight down ta 3 digits an my blood sugar back in numbas again
watchen what i eats, downin a fun tube a green skittles ta keep fit ya feel me |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: stop thowin up cheerwine like 2 days ago, reh ta play |
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HurdleWax: You picked a great time to try out, I had to fill out the 40-man roster with 19 cardboard cutouts of Bobby Bonilla last year. |
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HurdleWax: Jeff, throw Dmitri your heater, let’s see what he can do. |
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KarstenDunce: do i know how to do that |
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HurdleWax: it’s the thing where you move your arm and the ball comes out |
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KarstenDunce: buhhhh ok i guess whatever |
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KarstenDunce: derrrrrrrrp /throws 45 mph fastball
/makes stupidest possible face |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: oh gah /moves bat off shoulder
/collapses facedown in dirt |
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HurdleWax: okay, that didn’t go like I expected |
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HurdleWax: Jeff, throw him another one. |
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KarstenDunce: sorry skerp i reached muh pitch count |
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HurdleWax: Right. Okay, go lie down in your sleeping bag until June. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: sry main my heart is a solid nialater, sometime i say move an it just sit there bein sour apple as shat |
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HurdleWax: Don’t worry, you still took a better cut than half of our infield. |
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HurdleWax: Kevin, do me a favor. Toss Dmitri a slow pitch right down the middle, let’s see what happens when he makes contact. |
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NorthCorreia: do i know that pitch |
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HurdleWax: It’s the only one you ever throw. |
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NorthCorreia: welp /takes deep breath
/throws terrible pitch |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: hernnghhhh /can’t move bat from shoulder
/falls straight back
/gets dirt in mouth
/gurgles |
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HurdleWax: All right, here’s my expert analysis: on one hand, you’re clearly a 38-year old overweight diabetic who I’ll watch die by mid-May unless you literally murder me first |
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HurdleWax: On the other hand, we’re the Pirates, so |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /foams Fun Dip at the mouth |
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HurdleWax: What say you, Other Clint? |
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BarmesAway: /is cardboard cutout |
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HurdleWax: mm hm |
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BarmesAway: /is still cardboard |
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HurdleWax: jeez Clint, that’s a pretty racist thing to say |
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HurdleWax: okay, after conferencing with racist-ass Clint Barmes, I’ve decided to give you a minor league contract with the Pirates. |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: yee YEE |
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HurdleWax: keep in mind that I have no pull in the organization and we have no farm system, so “minor league contract” means you get to sit on the street outside of the stadium and wear my Pirates hat |
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SteakGrowsOnDmitri: gimme dat papers |
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HurdleWax: I don’t know what that means. Please sit in this wheelbarrow so we can roll you away. |
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