UFC is back in the Windy City with a free card of punch mens with tomorrow night’s UFC on Fox 10 at 8 PM ET on Fox (obviously). Burnsy and myself (And maybe some other rapscallions) are gonna tell you who’s going to win, so if you are a degenerate gambler, get ready to rake in the dough with our 1000% accurate predictions (Margin of error +/- 10000%). For more information, head over to the UFC’s fight card page. For far less information, hit up the event primer on my dumb ol’ blog.
Heavyweight – Walt Harris vs Nikita “The Al Capone” Krylov
Jessica: Krylov vs. Paleli was the funniest fight I’d seen in a long time, so I’m kind of enamored with the big galoot, and big galootishness is more than enough reason for me to pick a guy to win a fight. Krylov takes this with the power of being nicknamed “Al Capone” and fighting in Chicago, he’ll TKO Harris in the third.
Burnsy: I’m going with Walt Harris in this one because I just can’t take Nikita “Carmen Sandiego” Krylov in this picture.
Welterweight – George Sullivan vs Mike “Biggie” Rhodes
Jessica: I don’t know who these people are, but George Sullivan feels like a Ye Olde Timey boxing name, so I’m going to take him to win by second round KO.
Burnsy: Two guys making their debut against each other completely screws up my rules. I’ll take Sullivan because he’s on a six-fight win streak, and he seems to have owned the Cage Fury Fighting Championships, if that is actually a great accomplishment. I say that with total ignorance.
Lightweight – Daron “Detroit Superstar” Cruickshank vs Mike “The Wolverine” Rio
Jessica: Hermione’s Cat is usually pretty entertaining, but I’m not convinced he can handle things on the ground all that well. Rio’s gonna lock up a second round submission.
Burnsy: His name is Rio and he’s sitting on the fence. He’s lost two fights in a row… something something rhymes with fence. I’m an awful songwriter, but I’m an even more awful UFC predictor, so I’m going with the inconsistent and disappointing Cruickshank to defeat the disappointing Rio. Side note: Did you know Rio was on an episode of Burn Notice? I could write 10,000 words about my disappointment in that show. If I use the word disappoint one more time, I get a free sub at Blimpie’s.
Bantamweight – Ramiro “Junior” Hernandez vs Hugo “Wolverine” Viana
Jessica: This is the second time Rio and Viana have been on the same card, and I demand they fight each other to determine who gets to use “Wolverine” for a nickname. Loser has to be called “Muskrat”. Oh, and Viana, powered by his mutton chops, wins by decision.
Burnsy: I will now make my prediction for this fight in video form:
Bantamweight – Chico “The King” Camus vs Yaotzin Meza
Jessica: Yaotzin Meza is the most illegal name in Scrabble, and having a ridiculous assortment of letters for a name means he’ll win by first round submission
Burnsy: If you’ve read anything I’ve ever (poorly) written about LeBron James, you’re aware of my
Bantamweight – Eddie Wineland vs Yves “Tiger” Jabouin
Jessica: Part of me thinks this fight is going to be a lot of fun, but part of me also think that Wineland is way too good for Jabouin and will just run through him. It’s hard to imagine a dude named Tiger getting smashed so easily, so I’ll say Wineland wins with a third round TKO.
Burnsy: I think Wineland’s going to take this one because he’s still pissed about losing his interim Bantamweight title shot, and mostly because I can still picture Jabouin getting KO’d by Brad Pickett like it was yesterday.
Bantamweight – Alex “Bruce Leeroy” Caceres vs Sergio Pettis
Jessica: The dastardly internet (And my own brain) really hyped up Baby Pettis, and while he won his UFC debut, it wasn’t the most impressive performance. The only thing I can ever remember about Caceres is his giant, spectacular afro, and that isn’t enough to win. Pettis the Younger wins by decision.
Burnsy: I remember talking about Caceres losing three out of four of his first UFC fights like it was yesterday and I didn’t even realize that he’s won three of his last four, with that odd fight out being a NC because of weed. So I’m taking the hopefully non-stoned Bruce Leeroy as usual, and I’m probably going to regret this one.
Featherweight – Darren “The Damage” Elkins vs Jeremy “Lil’ Heathen” Stephens
Jessica: Stephens is that dude what got locked up for assault and Dana tried to spring him early to keep him on a card, which is terrible. Elkins is a goobery-looking wrestler, and that is the lifeblood of MMA. Elkins wins by decision.
Burnsy: I’m going with Elkins here because even though I loved Heathen’s KO of Rony Jason, he’s still as bad as he is good sometimes, and that makes him the risky pick.
Lightweight – Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone vs Adriano Martins
Jessica: Unless he gets home-invaded, Cerrone should blitz the hell out of Martins and win by first round knockout. Joe Silva, sometimes you can be so cruel.
Burnsy: Cowboy up! Haha, like those drunk girls at redneck bars always shout when I order a beer and stare at their boobies.
Heavyweight – Stipe Miocic vs Gabriel “Napao” Gonzaga
Jessica: Once again, Gabe Gonzaga is taking on a Croatian (-American). If Stipe walks out to “Wild Boys” to avenge Mirko Cro Cop’s devastating loss (He got Royce’d by his own petard!), he’ll win by a third round TKO.
Burnsy: I saw Gonzaga at SeaWorld a few months back and he was impossible to miss. He was a monster in a t-shirt that had UFC in giant letters on it. I really wanted to get a picture with him so I can Tweet it like, “Hey, here ‘s a guy I watch beat the crap out of people,” but he was so intimidating and I’m a frail butterfly of a man. Anywho, that link between he and I makes me hope he makes Miocic pay for taking advantage of Roy Nelson taking him and the UFC for granted last June.
Lightweight – Benson “Smooth” Henderson vs Josh “The Punk” Thomson
Jessica: I’ve been a longtime Bendo fan, and the five minutes I was a Thomson supporter (The time he knocked the hell out of Nate Diaz’s brain) quickly evaporated when he compared gay marriage to a dude marrying his underage sister (Who is also a turtle). I’m hoping Benson messes him up good and snags a third round submission victory.
Burnsy: I don’t think there’s a chance that Henderson loses this fight, and I’m still kind of baffled that there wasn’t an immediate rematch announced for Henderson and Pettis (you know, before Pettis was injured and all) but hopefully a win here will secure that and he can try to get a little revenge and maybe his belt back next time.
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