For all of the technological advances in the galaxy far, far away, the inhabitants of the Star Wars universe have probably managed to avoid becoming internet addicts since they’re constantly at war and mounting a rebellion doesn’t really leave a lot of time to update one’s blog. Besides, who needs Facebook when you’ve got the Force or a selfie stick when you’re packing a lightsaber?
What if they were normal internet-using beings, though? Which sites would they be drawn to? Since it’s Star Wars Day, we figured that we’d apply some educated guesswork to this very important question. And I apologize up front, but these are some hard truths, people.
Rey — Ancestry.com
While Rey is a fascinating character in her own right, her mysterious family heritage is at the core of what makes her tick. The poor Jakku smuggler just wants to know who her family is, and the illuminating power of Ancestry.com could come in handy with her quest. While there are often more questions than answers in a family tree, it would probably be more telling than Maz Kanata. (Seriously, how did she get that lightsaber?)
Finn — Tumblr
Has there ever been a leading man more fitting for a flower crown? Finn is basically a newborn baby in terms of life experience, having left behind the First Order when his conscience gets in the way. As he throws himself into the real world, he may be a bit naive with his opinions. He wants to change the world for the better, but he doesn’t really know the best way to do it yet. Still, A+ for enthusiasm. Plus, you know that Finn could get really into writing some fanfiction. #StormPilot
Poe — Twitter
Snark, thy name is Poe Dameron. Even in the face of Kylo Ren and his blaster stopping abilities, Poe is still quick with the joke. This would make him ideal for Twitter. A few quips and well placed selfies, and this pilot would be Twitter famous in the blink of an eye. He also is the right-hand man of General Organa, which means that he’s got the inside scoop and will bring that wokeness to the masses.
Kylo Ren — 4Chan
Temper tantrums? Check. Anger when women outpace him? Check. Sense of entitlement? Check.
BB-8 — Instagram
BB-8 is without a doubt the cutest thing to come out of the Star Wars universe. If you’re using Instagram correctly, you’re probably following a ton of cute accounts, because if you aren’t looking at puppies at least twice a day, you’re not living your best life. The Star Wars universe is sadly lacking in #dogsofinstagram (cmon, Chewie!), but an adorable droid could make up for that loss.
Han Solo — Craigslist
If you don’t think that the galaxy’s greatest smuggler wouldn’t get in on the Craigslist game, you’re living in denial. That’s where he got that jacket — 28 bucks. Talked him down from 35.
Leia — Tinder
Too soon?
Luke — YouTube
Listen, Luke’s training time spent with Yoda was pretty limited. He definitely could have used a few more “how to videos” to fill in the gaps. Luke is a bit of a rambler, so the portable knowledge of “How To Use The Force In 10 Easy Steps” and “Lightsaber: Friend Or Foe?” may have come in handy in the early days. As he gets better, he could have started his own educational channel, partnered with Star Wars Kid, or taken his mysterious disappearance to lonelygirl15 levels.
Chewbacca — Facebook
Everyone sh*ts on Facebook these days, but nearly everyone still uses it. It’s “safe,” it’s comforting, and it’ll rip your arms off if you lose. Still, Facebook means well, just like Han Solo’s furry sidekick. Chewbacca has better things to do than obsessively update his profile, but he still loves playing FarmVille and sending pokes, which are apparently still a thing.
Darth Vader — Reddit
Slightly more informed than 4Chan, Reddit still has many of the classic villain hallmarks. Just as Reddit rules the web, so does Darth Vader rule the galaxy. Just as Vader came from humble beginnings before becoming all-powerful, so did Reddit. It may have started out as a small forum, but it has since become a real cultural weather gage. It’s not exactly a bastion of light, but it’s impossible to deny its scope.
