At this point, the high-maintenance twit with the overly elaborate order is as much a part of Starbucks’ identity as bitter coffee and smooth jazz, much to the company’s chagrin. Believe it or not, though, Starbucks wants to get that annoying orderer out of the line with their app, and what’s most surprising is that they might pull it off.
They’ve retooled their app to make it easier for Captain Soy-No-Whip-Eight-Splenda to just order and go, because he’s very busy, you see. You fill out your order, and you can be as elaborate as you want, use your stored card to pay for it, and get a time. Once you’re there, just go pick up your drink.
This has already been available in a few cities as a pilot program that’s slowly been expanding, but Starbucks just rolled it out nationwide. And yes, it works; I booted it up, threw the most elaborate drink I could think of at the long-suffering employees at the closest Starbucks to me, and was in and out with my drink in seconds.
What’s hilarious is that it’s blatantly designed to appeal to exactly the kind of person you do not want to be stuck behind in Starbucks, even if the company themselves will never admit it. They even have the nutritional information built into it, although currently it doesn’t change when you tweak your order. If you’ve ever heard somebody argue with a barista over whether milk has gluten when you’re trying to get to work, it’s something of a small miracle.
In other words, Starbucks is actually using technology to make going there a saner experience. If nothing else, it’ll spare you another Facebook status about coconut milk and syrup pumps.
(Via Starbucks)
