(Note: to help clear up the discussion thread congestion, we’re publishing two Game of Thrones recaps this season, one for book readers and one for non-book readers. Doing it this way means those who have read A Storm of Swords and A Feast for Crows don’t have to begin every conversation with “SPOILER,” or those who haven’t won’t need to worry about learning something they shouldn’t.)
“The Children” was as packed as any Game of Thrones episode to date. Every main character, save Reek and Dark Sansa/Littlefinger, was checked in on, and that extra six minutes of running time could easily have been another 15. But it never felt too stuffed, because unlike last year’s finale, which was a mini-letdown from the preceding episode, “The Rains of Castamere,” “The Children” was a tasty desert after the bland-ish meal that was “The Watchers on the Wall.” It zipped along, and although it wasn’t flawless, it was a high point to go out on until the next new episode, sometime in April 2015.
(I don’t know how we’re going to make it until then.)
There’s a lot to get into, so let’s break this episode down, character-by-character…
-The episode began where last week’s should have ended: STANNIS THE MANNIS. I liked a lot of the book-to-show changes this season, including the fantastic Brienne vs. the Hound fight, but this one confused me. What was the point of saving Stannis & Co. combining forces with Jon Snow for this episode? Was it to make You Know Nothing seem more heroic? Probably. Jon’s much easier to absorb when he’s surrounded by more interesting characters, and with Ygritte gone, that responsibility has fallen onto steely resolve personified, Stannis, and Davos. It was also nice to see Ciarán Hinds’ Mance Raydar for the first time since last season.
–Melisandre and her “TITS” are at Castle Black. That’s gonna ’cause some problems.
-Cersei confronting Tywin was great…her sleeping with Jaime, not so much. I wasn’t as SHOCKED and MORALLY OUTRAGED by the so-called “rape” scene as some, but if you considered Cersei a victim then, I don’t believe she’d willingly long for Jaime now.
-It’s weird the Cleganes don’t get along. They have so much in common (horrible injuries).
-This was a rough season for Dany, and for viewers. She freed some slaves, sat in a room, looked at bones, f*cked Daario, f*cked over Jorah, and chained her dragons. All of that sounds more interesting — SLAVERY! SEX! DRAGONS! — than it actually was. Emilia Clarke sells the hell out of everything she’s in, and I actually found her scene in the catacombs more emotionally effective than her banishment of Jorah, but even she can only do so much when her character’s stuck in place.
-Do NOT kill that beard (or the body it’s attached to).
-Hey, Bran’s interesting (again?). Game of Thrones so infrequently dips into conventional fantasy that it’s a little disorienting when it does. I’m thinking of the Jason and the Argonauts-esque skeletons, which looked cool and posed an actual threat to the characters, killing one of them in the process (R.I.P Jojen), but felt weirdly out of a place on a show that tells, to quote Ben Wyatt, “human stories in a fantasy world.” But whatever, it was worth it for that scene with the three-eyed crow, who tells Bran that he’ll never walk again (womp womp), but he will fly. Also, Hodor totally Hodor’d those skeletons.
-I mentioned it earlier, but the Brienne vs. the Hound fight didn’t happen in the books, but I’m so glad it was in the TV show. It made sense visually — she’s tall, he’s tall, let’s have them DUEL! — and from a storytelling perspective. Once again Arya was tantalizingly close to some semblance of safety, only for it to be taken away from her at the last second. Except this time, it was because of a decision she made — she refused to go with Brienne and Pod, and instead set sail to Braavos, because valar morghulis. Meanwhile, the Hound was left begging for death in the middle of nowhere, and Brienne will presumably solider on to the Bloody Gates, with the taste of Clegane meat and defeat still in her mouth.
-And finally, HAPPY PATRICIDE DAY! It was a cruel, hilarious joke on HBO’s part scheduling this episode on Father’s Day (which was TOTALLY their intention…), but there was nothing funny about that awful segue, or Tyrion shooting Tywin on the can with a crossbow. Think back to every scene with Tywin: he’s either menacingly gutting a horse, or menacingly writing a letter, or menacingly walking around, or menacingly entering a hall after winning a battle — this was the first time we saw him as someone non-threatening. He’s basically the king, but so was Elvis, and he died on the toilet, too, though not because his son, a dwarf, killed him after doing the same with his former whore lover. They’re a happy family.
-The second most horrifying shot of the episode:
-The first (whenever an Arya smiles, an angel dies):
-You could tell this was an IMPORTANT EPISODE because the theme song could be heard near the end. That only happens for special occasions, like “Granite State.”
-This was a season dominated by Lannister drama, and the last time we saw any of them, Tyrion was being hidden in a box, off to…who knows? Anywhere but King’s Landing, whose bells loudly chime as Varys sits on his makeshift wooden throne. Tywin, who fatally underestimated his own flesh and blood, will be missed, but a memorable man got his memorable death.
Book Readers Spoiler Section: I really thought the last scene of the episode was going to be the introduction of Lady Stoneheart. It’s the one thing the finale didn’t get to, so I have to imagine she’ll show up sometime in the premiere next season? Also, it’s a gusty move fast-forwarding to Dance with Dragons territory for some characters (Bran), while staying with Feast for Crows for others. I’m thinking of Cersei, who still has a lot of Tyrell scheming to do. I think I like Varys tagging along with Tyrion, where he’ll meet Griff, Young Griff, etc. He’s a shadow in the fourth book, and the show wouldn’t be the same with him around. Who else would speak only in riddles?!? Lastly, wherever whores go. Loved watching Charles Dance and Peter Dinklage at their finest, but really missed that line.
And Finally, Just Because:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Thanks for reading these recaps, guys. It’s been a blast.
