Succession, HBO’s new series about an aging media titan and his complicated relationship with his children, was many different things in its first season. It was a smart examination of power, both inside a family and in the world at large, that improved drastically as it progressed. It was a fun mix of comedy and drama, with the former thanks in large part to the relationship between Tom and Cousin Greg, the two main characters who are not members of the immediate family and who go about integrating themselves in opposite ways. It was a show that was kind of like Billions, both in subject matter (rich white people behaving like jerks) and in a few specific coincidences (ortolans, exploding rockets).
But mostly, it was a show about people telling each other to fuck off. My word, did characters on the show ever do that a lot. It happened so often that I started keeping count around episode four. Then I went back and counted them in the first few episodes. By the end of the season, I was obsessed. (I’m fine.) Let’s put it this way: Think of a number in your head that you would consider a normal amount of times for one character to tell another to eff off in one season of television. Now think of a number that you would consider a lot of times. And then, when you get to the end of this post, in which I catalog each instance of it with visual evidence and break down which characters delivered and received the most (again, I’m fine), see you close you got.
You can find in-depth analysis somewhere else today. We have important business to attend to.
Episode 1, “Celebration” — 4 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Cousin Greg
Delivered to: Assorted children
Notes: It is both perfect and hilarious that the first one of these comes from my sweet boy Greg, who delivers it — politely! — to a group of children before puking through the eyes off his mascot head.
Delivered by: Roman
Delivered to: His weird sage guy
Notes: Classic Roman.
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Assorted paparazzi
Notes: Oh, oh this will not be the last we see of Logan Roy on this list. Not by a long shot.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: An inanimate bid
Notes: Things were good for Kendall. He had plans, dreams. Didn’t work out so much.
Episode 2, “Shit Show at the Fuck Factory” — 4 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: Not all of these are completely deserved. Most of them are. This one definitely is.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Tom
Notes: It’s crazy, back in episode two, Tom was a slimy climber and it felt good to watch people yell at him. By the end, he was still a slimy climber but in a crazy/adorable way. I love him now.
Delivered by: Roman
Delivered to: Cousin Greg
Notes: Leave Greg alone!
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Gerri
Notes: This was delivered more as a “No way” or a “Come on” than an aggressive insult, but it still counts. Versatile phrase, this.
Episode 3, “Lifeboats” — 3 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Mr. Polk from the bank
Notes: The beginning of Kendall’s fall. You need to be careful with casual profanity, man. In the right situation, comes across as a casual icebreaker. In the wrong situation, you offend the representative of the bank who holds the fate of your family business in his prude hands. I’ve seen it a million times.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: Kendall’s just flailing here.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Stewy
Notes: Another non-aggressive one, delivered here in a sarcastic tone. Gee, I wonder where Kendall gets this from. Maybe a paternal figure with an affinity for the phrase. I guess we’ll never know or find out shortly!
Episode 4, “Sad Sack Wasp Trap” — 4 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: Shiv said this to Roman after he called to inform her that the husband of the candidate she’s working for just uploaded a picture of his b-hole to the internet. Understandable.
Delivered by: Tom
Delivered to: Cousin Greg
Notes: I said leave Greg alone!
Delivered by: Tom
Delivered to: Cousin Greg
Notes: He’s a nice boy!
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: The champ returns.
Episode 5, “I Went to Market” — 3 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: Why answer “no” when you can deliver that message and belittle your failson at the office? That’s just efficient.
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall and Roman
Notes: This is how all meetings should end.
Delivered by: Rava
Delivered to: Logan
Notes: Important to note that Logan is offscreen and in another room here. Could have led to volleys of profanity otherwise.
Episode 6, “Which Side Are You On?” — 2 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Ilona the Absent Board Member
Notes: Bye, Ilona.
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: Look at Kendall’s face. This is a broken man. And it’s not the worst moment of the season for him. Not even close.
Episode 7, “Austerlitz” — 3 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Alon the Therapist
Notes: Number one and…
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Alon the Therapist
Notes: … number two. This is why Logan is the king. He fires them off double-barrel. A master of language.
Delivered by: Willa
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: Connor’s playwright/escort girlfriend delivers one from offscreen to a person who is also offscreen. Kind of impressive, really. Welcome to the party, Willa.
Episode 8, “Prague” — 7 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: Double-barrel again, coming in hot. Bang…
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: … and bang.
Delivered by: Roman
Delivered to: Stewy
Notes: In hindsight, Stewy deserved/deserves way more of these than he got, especially considering how casual his have been.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: Tough to work this into your personal lexicon because it’s both graphic and very specific but if you can, seems fun.
Delivered by: Angela
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: Don’t grab a lady at a drug-fueled sex party. Or anywhere else, really. Jesus Christ, Kendall.
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Senator Eavis
Notes: Shiv’s are my favorite. Other characters do it more frequently and forcefully, sure, but she tosses them off with an exasperation that no one else does. She’s also…
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Logan
Notes: … the only Roy child who gets in a good one on Logan.
Episode 9, “Pre-nuptial” — 5 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Marcia
Delivered to: Shiv
Notes: There’s so much venom in this one. It’s the only one Marcia gets in all season and she really gets her money’s worth. Like she packed a dozen more into it. Logan has that effect on people.
Delivered by: Gerri
Delivered to: Senator Eavis
Notes: Gerri’s on the board, folks.
Delivered by: Kendall
Delivered to: Stewy
Notes: See, this is what I mean. Let Stewy have it.
Delivered by: Roman
Delivered to: Kendall and Shiv
Notes: Another playful one from Roman. And the only one delivered on a boat. Worth noting.
Delivered by: Logan (hypothetically)
Delivered to: Kendall and Stewy
Notes: This is where Kendall is gaming out how Logan will respond to the bear hug letter. Kendall is wrong about many, many things, but not this.
Episode 10, “Nobody Is Ever Missing” — 6 F*ck offs
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: The important thing to note here is that, heading into the season finale, Kendall is only three behind Logan in the season-long “eff off’ count. It’s fun to pretend Logan knows that and goes on this run just because he refuses to let his children beat him at anything, ever.
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: Kendall
Notes: The king stay the king.
Delivered by: Logan
Delivered to: The Kid Who Spilled the Champagne and Died Later
Notes: Tough night for this kid. Spilled some bubbly, got cussed at (two in one screenshot!), got reprimanded, got roped into buying drugs for a spiraling sad large child, then died in a pond. I suppose the “dying in a pond” thing is a bigger deal than getting cussed at. Still. Not fun.
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Nate
Notes: Nate is the worst.
Delivered by: Shiv
Delivered to: Roman
Notes: Shiv gets in the last one of the season and ends with a strong showing.
SEASON F*CK-OFF STATS
Total: 41
Per episode: 4.1
Most delivered by: Logan (15)
Runners-up: Kendall (8), Shiv (6), Roman (4)
Most delivered to: Kendall (11)
Runners-up: Roman (6), Stewy (4), Cousin Greg (3)
Congrats to all involved and good luck next year. Now, if you’ll excuse me…
