Previously on Total Divas, Eva got tortured in order to do a bizarre two-person Baywatch boudoir photo session, and Dean Ambrose wouldn’t let his significant other comb his hair.
If you missed last week’s recap, I’m going to be trying something a bit different in terms of format for the remainder of the season. Rather than a blow-by-blow recap, I’m going to be highlighting the best, brightest, and most ridonkulous moments of each episode. Let’s keep this train rolling!
And now, the five most absurd moments from season six, episode 13 of Total Divas.
Progestatrone
Brie is, of course, trying to get pregnant. She may not be able to pronounce “progesterone,” but she also doesn’t seem to know anything about a pregnancy-supporting diet, or that full-body cryotherapy might be bad for gestation. Nikki conducts like a grade-school science demonstration of how it takes 10 salads to equal the iron of one steak. Brie doesn’t want to compromise her beliefs or her vegetarian diet in order to have a baby.
Brie calls Rosa, who had to give up being vegetarian when SHE got pregnant. Brie just doesn’t know what to do. It’s sad!
Maryse refuses to read
Maryse’s eyesight is bad. So bad that she can’t read her and Miz’s itineraries or schedules, and refuses to try to read them when prompted. She also fails to recognize how many fingers Neville is holding up, and can’t read an insulting card that Miz writes to her to prove that she can’t see. Cruel, but hilarious!
Maryse doesn’t want glasses or contacts, and she doesn’t want to get Lasik surgery. A breaking point is finally reached, however, when Maryse intends to send Miz a nude selfie while he’s at the gym, but drops the topless pic into a group text that also includes Zack Ryder, Dolph Ziggler, and Renee. Maryse finally gets her eyes fixed and loves her new eyesight. Miz marks the occasion with an endlessly sweet card. Miz rules, everyone else drools.
Cooking steak naked (steak-ed)
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/854867760916176896
Renee, Naomi, Lana and Rusev are in Anguila for charity work. When they get settled into their hotel, Lana warns Renee that Rusev likes to walk around naked. And cook steak naked. Well, he’s only human. Renee seems creeped out, and Lana admonishes, “It’s just a penis.”
Then they head downstairs to the pool and are immediately confronted with the wondrous sight of RUSEV IN A SPEEDO. Renee leaves before she accidentally sees Rusev’s butthole, because she doesn’t want to truly live.
At least I’m not farting
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/854867052473004033
Eva Marie is, after six long months, making her return to the main roster with her incredible “Eva Marie makes excuses for not wrestling” storyline. If I recall, that one ended well for all involved!
Throughout much of the episode, Eva is stressing about how everything needs to go perfectly, and the payoff really needs to be something special [cough]. Nattie tries to tell her to chill out and let go of the things she can’t control and try to make the best of what she can and what she’s given. Nattie also points out that for a time, her only storyline was “occasionally does a fart.” That’s the sort of professional context that can really put EVERYONE’S job in perspective.
Just remember, people: no matter how bad your job sucks, at least you don’t have to be “smelly fart person” on national television every week.
Renee makes a DEEZ NUTS joke
https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/854872618075344896
The most explosive thing that happened this week was a full-on yelling fight between Lana and Renee, which was sort of all kicked off by Renee dropping an absolutely exquisite “deez nuts” joke. While in Anguila, Lana wants to hang out with her friends, but she also kind of wants the trip to be a quasi-honeymoon. Lana and Naomi get tore up and wake up Lana two nights in a row, and Lana has HAD IT.
They end up patching things up right before the end of the episode (fortuitous!), but it just goes to show you: be careful with the “deez nuts” jokes, people. They have the potential to ruin friendships forever.
