When you gotta break aunt Becky out of jail. pic.twitter.com/ouwPjstDnV
— Travon (@Travon) March 12, 2019
What a time to be alive. If you were in a coma yesterday — because we can think of no other way you wouldn’t have heard of this hilariously bonkers story — The Justice Department revealed a cheating, forgery, and bribery scheme to get children of privilege into prestigious schools using fake test scores, fake athletic credentials, and bribes, including “donations” to a charity that — oh the irony — was claiming to help underprivileged children pursue education.
The FBI sting was fittingly called Operation Varsity Blues, and yes, James Van Der Beek knows. Dozens of wealthy people were indicted on Tuesday, including actors Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives) and Lori Loughlin (Full House), the latter of whom (along with her husband Mossimo Giannulli) reportedly agreed to pay $500,000 in bribes to get their two daughters into USC by getting them recruited to the university’s crew team. (Neither daughter plays the sport.) That led to so many Aunt Becky jokes along the lines of “Aunt Becky with the good heir.”
Speaking of jokes, people on Twitter have certainly been having fun with the news, although Donald Trump, Jr.’s attempt to call out someone else for their unearned position decidedly backfired. The joking has continued well into today:
Honestly this story has everything:
– rich people in trouble
– proof you were right about Those Rich Kids at your college
– prosecution under the RICO Act
– a Balkan water polo coach
– a chance to yell about systemic inequality
– FULL HOUSE JOKESWHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR.
— @hayesbrown.bsky.social (@HayesBrown) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/missunitedface/status/1105495460066803712
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: ur child was not accepted to our college
FELICITY HUFFMAN: then i will have to do a crime
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: u can just donate some money & we'll let em in
FELICITY HUFFMAN: a crime i shall do
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: just make a donation
FELICITY HUFFMAN: crime time— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/DHnocontext/status/1105544803603881992
The admissions scandal is a sad reminder of class inequality but I love that a bunch of rich kids woke up and found emails from their parents to school administrators like “plz help my child is an absolute dullard, the kid would eat sand straight off the beach if I let them”
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) March 13, 2019
BREAKING: Prosecutors allege that Rodney Dangerfield committed fraud to enroll in college at age 65
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) March 12, 2019
[Ivy League school water polo practice]
COACH: What the hell is going on here?
KID WHO OBTAINED A FRAUDULENT SCHOLARSHIP (attempting to calm down a terrified horse): Everything is fine.
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) March 12, 2019
I applied to UCSD for college where my dad was a professor and asked him to put in a word for me. He did, and I still got rejected and he goes “you’ve learned a valuable lesson. Never ask someone to put in a good word for you if everyone thinks that person is an asshole.”
— Justin Halpern (@justin_halpern) March 12, 2019
I made a song for Aunt Becky. pic.twitter.com/vRWrg3sXq3
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 12, 2019
Many of the jokes revolved around people’s shock that anyone would pay half a million dollars to get their kids into USC:
If you have $500,000 to blow on your two kids who aren't going to get into college, have some respect and invest it in a doomed recording career that will yield one terrible single the rest of us can make fun of forever.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 12, 2019
Lori Loughlin paid $500k to get her daughter into USC. Not to be a dick but how stupid is her daughter?
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/nobody_stop_me/status/1105533646474235904
https://twitter.com/DinkMagic/status/1105525800948781056
The jokes and sarcasm kept coming:
For $500,000 my child better be getting into Hogwarts, forget USC. Damn Aunt Becky pic.twitter.com/Dqh0I2Y9mg
— Simone Scott (@Simone_Scott) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/TheMikeLawrence/status/1105557079027261441
https://twitter.com/Overfab/status/1105527191964512256
Imagine working at the FBI and everyone around you is uncovering crimes by the President, and you get assigned to wiretap Aunt Becky for trying to get her dumb kid into college
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) March 12, 2019
My son Bruntley got into Yale fair and square through the Habsburg Underbite Scholar program
— Thing Bad (@Merman_Melville) March 12, 2019
Now that the Hollywood Bribery Ring has been busted, the only thing helping rich kids get into college are legacy admissions, private tutors, board member connections, unpaid summer internships, interview coaches, and a lifetime of Ivy-bound grooming!!!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 12, 2019
The elite college admittance system is predicated on the completely legal ways rich people advantage their children via tutors, test prep, activities, sports, legacy, donations, time, and more so it's extra funny to me when they fumble all that and say "fuck it, let's crime"
— alexis nedd thinks unions are neat 🎮 💚 (@alexisthenedd) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/jaboukie/status/1105500173688627200
https://twitter.com/AnandWrites/status/1105662610832277504
just paid 425k to get my daughter into a Color Me Mine
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 13, 2019
Pretty crazy that William H Macy has a good shot of getting arrested for something every single William H Macy character would get arrested for.
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/elbirdilara/status/1105543066348212225
DUPLICITY Huffman
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) March 12, 2019
https://twitter.com/markamlz/status/1105503382226132992
My one request to the judge when sentencing Lori Laughlin: Have mercy
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 12, 2019
And finally, people tried to make sense of all this:
https://twitter.com/ashleyn1cole/status/1105685800534958081
https://twitter.com/AnandWrites/status/1105562693543624705
wow, turns out that money was the real Affirmative Action all along!
— bijan (@bijanstephen) March 12, 2019
if harvard offered to increase my IQ by one point per dollar i would simply say no. And that's the most important takeaway from all this
— wint (@dril) March 12, 2019