Bastardizing Greek Mythology For Wads Of Cash: The Game

By: 10.27.10  •  8 Comments
*Disclaimer* I traded in my copy of Photoshop for a hot meal and this cool dragon necklace, which I have already lost.

My grandpappy always used to say that the key to success is to constantly keep an eye out for new opportunities and not be afraid to strike when the time is right. Of course, he was referring to mugging people in dark alleys with a concealed banana masquerading as a gun, but I found that his words apply even to life’s many non-criminal endeavors. Thus, taking gramps’ wisdom to heart, I decided now’s the perfect time to strike at the very scrotum of modern pop culture and make my name known for generations to come. That’s right: I designed my own video game!

I’d love nothing more than to congratulate myself on how clever and incredibly well endowed I am, but when you really think about it the idea seems painfully obvious. What’s one of the best selling games for the PlayStation? The God of War Series. One of the hottest DVDs this year? Percy Jackson & The Olympians. How much did the Clash of the Titans remake gross at the theaters? Nearly half a billion, Zeus H. Christ, dollars. And finally, do you know what binds all of those franchises together? Yup! They are all very horrible!

Relax GoW fanboys. We kid because we love you.

But seriously, it’s obviously the fact that they all base themselves on Greek mythology, even if they do take a certain amount of  liberties with their source material (that amount being humongoriffic). When I realized that, I immediately thought to myself: “Hey, I own a book on Greek mythology and I have absolutely no qualms about disrespecting ancient religions, so maybe I too could be filthy rich?” The answer was obviously “Yes.” Here’s what I had in mind:

Around The Web

Featured

A Fact-Soaked Odyssey Through Kentucky’s Bourbon Country

This Woman Is Fighting The Stigma Of Sex Work In America In Hopes Of Getting Her Child Back

‘We Went To The Moon In 1969’: How The ‘Even Stevens’ Musical Episode Changed The Disney Channel Forever

M.T. Anderson Correctly Predicted Your ‘Feed’ Back In 2002, Are You Ready To Hear What He Says Is Coming Next?

Kenya’s Massive Ivory Burn Should Light A Fire Under Us All

Returning To The Boston Marathon Offered A Lesson In Facing Fears

Is There More To The Adam Walsh Story?

Stand-Up Comedy Scared The Hell Out Of Me, So I Decided To Give It A Shot

W. Kamau Bell On Joking With The KKK For CNN And Quoting Malcolm X In His New Special

‘The NFL Whole-Heartedly Doesn’t Care About You’: Joey Harrington Offers Real Talk About The NFL Draft Process

Drifters Take Note: This Couple Has Crucial Advice For Long-Term Travelers

‘Rad’ Star Bill Allen Looks Back On Helltrack And That Iconic BMX Prom Scene, 30 Years Later

Meet Christine Sun Kim — The Sound Artist Who’s Changing The Way We Listen

Presented By
The All-New Prius

Steve-O Talks About Stand-Up, Longing For Attention, And The Voices In His Head

‘Veep’ Creator Armando Iannucci And Timothy Simons Explain Why It’s So Much Fun To Hate Jonah Ryan

Meet Prince Ea, The Environmentalist And Spoken Word Artist Who Wants Us To ‘Pre-Order The Future’

Watch How This Street Artist Is Changing The Conversation Around Homelessness

By: 04.21.16

A Firsthand Account Of The Earthquakes In Ecuador And The Aftermath