This morning I posted the first trailer for Fifty Shades Of Grey. I’ve never read the books, because just the idea of Twilight fan fiction written by Snowqueen’s Icedragon topping the bestseller list is enough to make me think I’ve died and gone to some Gulliver island of dullard masturbators. This may have been my mistake, however, because it sounds like it has some pretty ridiculous scenes. Which I guess you would expect when someone’s trying to stretch a bondage fantasy into three 300-600-page books (I tried to write some erotic fiction, but couldn’t get past “and then she took her clothes off huh uh huh huhuh eheh hehehe heh heh hehe“).
For instance, in one scene, apparently, Christian Grey yoinks out Anastasia Grey’s tampon so they can bang more, presumably on some monogrammed grey Egyptian cotton towels. My God, it’s like EL James read your mom’s diary. YouTuber Philiafelice took the liberty of turning this scene into an animated sequence and my God it is a thing of beauty.
I cried laughing at this, even though I adamantly believe that there should’ve been a sound effect when Christian pulled out the tampon, because I’m mature like that. I really, really, really hope this scene made it into the movie.
[Thanks to Jen Yamato for discovering this two years ago and reminding me that it existed]