11.05.08 9 years ago 6 Comments

Some soccer player in England took a rocket to the back after his team lost a cup final match in Belfast last night. Well, at least he made it look like he took a rocket to the back, and I apologize if “rocket to the back” is some euphemism for anal sex with which I’m unfamiliar. Hey, you gotta start poppin’ the poopers at home before any grand delusions of going international, am I right? Eh? Ah, bite me.

Conor Hagan fell to the ground after being struck in the back by the rocket before it exploded.

His team Linfield had just suffered a 2-1 defeat by sectarian rivals Cliftonville in the County Antrim Shield final at Windsor Park in Belfast.

‘I was lying on the ground disgusted with the result and didn’t see the firework coming,’ he told the Belfast Telegraph.

‘It hit me on the back when it went off and it was more the bang that scared me and I was in shock for few seconds.

Hagan walked away from the incident without injury, because even the explosives in Europe are candy-assed. Seriously, when I went to France in the summer, I stepped on like 15 land mines and only had athlete’s foot for like a day. Then I invaded Paris, and by “invaded,” I mean “took a big dump in…” World travel is overrated.

[Daily Mail (It’s Jolly Good!)]

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