Two of the most common dreams for kids in America would have to be becoming a professional athlete or having a successful music career. Very few of us are granted the opportunity to do either. Seriously, you statistically have a better chance of finding an ice cream truck in the Mojave Desert.
You may have stepped away from your dreams after getting cut at high school tryouts – twice – or realizing you wasted an entire summer in some dude’s basement for a mixtape only your friends heard. But a surprising number of professional athletes didn’t have that bitter taste of reality until much later; they often got exactly what they wanted. So, it’s not shocking when they try and pursue another dream of having a successful music career. But it sure is funny for us.
While we’ve had a couple athletes show respectable rap skills, they’re definitely in the minority. So, grab some headphones – or don’t, if you want everyone around to get a good laugh in, too – and check out this list of athletes making the mistake of trying to rap.
Kobe Bryant
On paper, the decision for Kobe Bryant to try his hand at rap actually made some sense. He was already on his way to becoming a cultural icon and still had the advantage of writing lyrics from time to time, according to Grantland. Kobe took it pretty seriously, too. But when the world got their first listen at what Bryant had been working on in “K.O.B.E.,” things got ugly. He gave a mixed performance during All-Star Weekend, the Hype Williams-directed video was scrapped and the experiment was looked at as an overall failure.
1985 Chicago Bears
As a loyal Bears fan, I’ll start with the disclaimer that the 1985 season is something of legend – especially because I wasn’t even born yet and that’s what I’ve been told. We had one of the best players to ever step on the gridiron – Walter Payton – and a defense that couldn’t be beat. But their musical abilities left a whole lot to be desired in “The Superbowl Shuffle.” True, a lot of rap from that era sounds corny and overly cadenced now. But this was a whole different level of awkward.
William “The Refrigerator” Perry
One song clearly wasn’t enough for The Fridge. After getting the closing verse on “The Super Bowl Shuffle,” Perry decided to be that guy and went solo. With a screeching hook and claims of him drinking paint thinner, the song’s just hard to listen to, even while ignoring the unnecessary breaks and scratches. “F-f-f-f-f-f-football!”
Jason Kidd
The production of Jason Kidd’s “What the Kidd Did” was actually really nice for 1994, which makes the first 15 seconds pretty enjoyable. But then Mr. Monotone himself comes in and puts you to sleep after one verse, and you realize why the current head coach of the Milwaukee Bucks didn’t step foot in a booth ever again. I can just imagine a young J. Kidd recording this with the stalest of stale faces while a producer fails to hype him up.
John Cena
New wrestling fans don’t know just how lucky they are. They missed an entire era where a white guy from West Newbury, Massachusetts would stand in the middle of the ring in sports apparel and jean shorts and try and get over that he was (albeit in parody) a legitimate rapper. While it’s still extremely popular with the crowds as an intro, even an M.O.P. sample doesn’t make “The Time Is Now” a good song. But that’s not even the worst part of it all. Cena probably could’ve evaded this list if it weren’t for his a cappella rap-offs with The Rock, Big Show and other random superstars. And don’t forget, there’s a whole ALBUM of this.
LeBron James
The interesting thing about LeBron’s rapping ability is that, with actual effort and training, he wouldn’t be too shabby. I don’t mean he’d be performing at awards shows in the off-season or anything. But he’d probably be the guy who does a guest verse on a throw-away Drake track. But that’s just a fantasy because his verse on “Kingdom” was the least serious thing LeBron’s done in years.
Floyd Mayweather, Jr.
With how much he’s always loved the spotlight, it was only a matter of time before Floyd Mayweather, Jr. walked into – or bought – a music studio. But when he walked out, we were left with “Yep,” a song that resembles what would happen if someone were to shoot a music video on Sesame Street. With all the friends in the rap industry Floyd’s made over the years, you’d think at least one could’ve written him a decent verse.
Troy Hudson
While known for his up and down NBA career over more than 10 years, Troy Hudson is also known for his mostly-down music career. The former point guard released an album entitled Undrafted in 2007 that not-so-famously sold 78 copies in its first week, according to SLAM. Those are “selling this out of my trunk” numbers. For someone with the exposure of an NBA player, you’d expect at least 100 people to buy it just out of curiosity. But after listening to some of music from the album, it all begins to make sense.
Deion Sanders
Deion “Prime Time” Sanders loved attention; it’s in his character. Apparently, he felt that watching him on Sunday afternoons wasn’t enough, so he decided to try making music you could listen to every other day of the week. In “Must Be the Money,” the Hall of Fame defensive back tells you about how things changed once he got rich. He clearly took a lesson or two from Shock G with the whole all-nasal cavity delivery.
Note: If you tell me this video didn’t directly inspire “My Name Is Willie” from Any Given Sunday, I’m calling you a liar.
Delonte West
Delonte West is very fortunate that Twitter wasn’t as organized with its dragging abilities in 2009 as it is now. Because this freestyle with his cousin/hypeman is solid gold for all the wrong reasons. For starters, it’s hilarious. Even with the added benefit that this a truly off-the-dome freestyle, it’s chilling how off it is. Second, he chose to wait 18 minutes for KFC with his cousin who apparently works at KFC. Something’s not adding up there. They also spend half of the freestyle rapping about other restaurants.
But, to be fair, here’s an example of his written music. Let us know if you think it’s any better.
Chris Johnson
The production in Chris Johnson’s “Act on Deck” is kind of lit. But the engineering is straight basura. It sounds like CJ2K recorded his verse on a Blackberry sitting through a Styrofoam cup in a cave with horrible acoustics. I honestly can’t even critique these lyrics because I can’t hear them. I would if I could.
Randy Savage
It’s not entirely clear whether or not this was another wrestling gimmick that went way too far or if Randy Savage was seriously trying to start a rap beef. Either way, we’ve been left with “Be a Man” from the late Macho Man where he takes shots at Hulk Hogan for making trash movies and how he was “avoiding Randy Savage ‘cause you know you’ll get smoked.”
Roy Jones
No, that’s not Mystikal you’re listening to. It’s Roy Jones, Jr. The former championship boxer. Unlike a lot of the other rapping athletes on this list, he kept going and treated it as more than a failed experiment. His song, “Can’t Be Touched,” currently has more than 80 million views on YouTube, so there must be a lot of people out there who think he had some kind of talent. But a lot of them probably haven’t come across “Y’all Must Have Forgot.” Or, you know, forgot about it. (Sorry, couldn’t help it.)
