Check Your Fridge, Because Your Butter May Be Full Of Listeria That’s Trying To Kill You

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Someone call Paula Deen to make sure she’s okay. The booder-loving chef is going to have an aneurysm when she reads that one of her favorite ingredients (booder) may be causing miscarriage, still-birth, and, potentially, death to those who eat it. At least if they’re buying their butter from Tesco, where even the free samples aren’t safe.

According to The Independent, the supermarket chain has just recalled nine types of flavored butter (which is also the best kind) over fears that the enhanced dairy products — some of which are being given away for free — are crawling with listeria:

In most people, listeriosis is mild and causes symptoms including a high temperature, vomiting and diarrhea. These symptoms usually pass within three days without the need for treatment.

However, in rare cases, the infection can be more severe and spread to other parts of your body, causing serious complications, such as meningitis. Common signs of severe listeriosis include a stiff neck, severe headache and tremors.

Meningitis, man? Is a pack of butter really worth it? Maybe, because these are the butters Tesco is recalling:

Tesco Chocolate Chip & Maple Syrup Butter 100g
Tesco Red Chilli & Lemon Butter 100g
Tesco Roast Garlic & Herb Butter 100g
Tesco Three Peppercorn Butter 100g

And:

Counters Roast Garlic & Herb Butter Discs 10g
Counters Peppercorn Butter Discs 10g
Counters Chilli Butter Discs 10g
Counters Roast Garlic & Herb Disc 10g
Counters Chilli Butter Disc 10g

Okay, so maybe the chocolate chip butter’s a little worth it? But to be honest, if you’re buying that stuff to spread all over your toast and waffles you’ve probably already conceded that bad things might happen to you. Butter is one thing, but once you add chocolate chips and maple syrup to the mix, you’re just asking for a heart attack. But, you know, meningitis does sound worse. Check your fridge and then return your flavored butters immediately!

CORRECTION: We originally reported via The Independent that two of the Tesco butters were branded “Mr. Crumb” — this was a conflagration of two brands. Mr. Crumb is not a part of this recall. The mention has been corrected.