Let’s cut right to the chase: Summer’s almost here, and after this week there’s only one more episode of Archer left in its dynamite seventh season. What does this mean for you? Well, for one, you’re going to have a lot more time to dedicate to partying, at least until autumn comes around, or the eighth season of Archer premieres, whichever comes first. However, if you want to make the most of your good time and really party like you mean it, look no further than Pam Poovey (Amber Nash), the wild, brash, and unpredictable former HR rep for ISIS and current chair-spinner for the Figgis Detective Agency.
If you’ve ever stopped to think about how Pam got so many great stories, not to mention a wicked back tattoo, you can bet it probably wasn’t from growing up on a cheese farm dairy. More than likely, it’s because Pam is someone who really knows how to get down. And if you think you’re ready to party like Pam, let her sweet, slightly intoxicated words of wisdom be your guide.
“Lana and Cyril bailed! Trifling b*tches! Here! Unless you’re a trifling b*tch, too!”
No one hits the town harder than Pam, even after a funeral (especially after a funeral). She proves to be too much for Lana (Aisha Tyler) and Cyril (Chris Parnell), who end up ditching her, which frees her and Archer (H. Jon Benjamin) to dive into a nice, big plate of chicken and waffles while they belly up to the bar at a strip club. Then, just when you think she couldn’t possibly party any harder, she starts taking swigs out of a thermos that happens to be filled with absinthe and milk (better known as a Green Russian). You really want to party like Pam? This is the kind of dedication and do-it-yourself mentality that you should expect out of yourself.
“Clock your skinny ass out already and let’s go get outside some dranks!”
It’s no surprise that Pam’s the type of person who’s very enthusiastic about going to happy hour. Looking to rally some partners in crime, she tries to convince both Cheryl (Judy Greer) and Cyril to join her for an evening of tequila shots and “A-rab hoagies.” Unfortunately, neither are able to join her, thanks to all the extra work they have to put in with Archer being held for ransom by pirates. But does that stop Pam from wanting to get her drink on? Hell no it doesn’t, so remember this the next time you’re using Netflix as an excuse to stay home and go to bed at a reasonable hour.
“Look, my therapist says everybody’s got a hole that needs to be filled. Some people fill it with drugs, some fill it with work, some fill it with between-meal snacks and liquor and their therapist’s c*ck.”
The fact that Pam is able to be so open and self-aware about her feelings, while being so blunt and explicit is one of her more admirable personality traits. Her listing liquor second on her list of hole-filling vices (phrasing!) just goes to show that she’s got her priorities in order. Remember: Don’t just accept yourself as a drinker, embrace it.
“And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.”
One of the traits of a tried-and-true party animal is someone who’s able to kick back with just about anyone. Naturally, this includes the occasional throwdown with some Myrtle Beach rednecks now and then while being blissfully unaware of the kind of company she’s keeping. It won’t stop her, though. Pam really likes herself, and anyone with that kind of carefree confidence is going to be pretty fun to get a little weird with. All good things to keep in mind the next time you’re in search of a new drinking buddy.
“I thought he meant I was fuel-efficient. I had only had 10 beers.”
Leave it to Pam to take Cheryl’s insult — calling Pam a moped — and graciously assuming it has something to do with her heroic ability to drink. These attempts at criticizing her roll off her back like water off a duck, demonstrating the kind of can-do attitude you’ll need if you’re looking to take your partying to the next level.
“My head feels like a bunch of monkeys fighting over a bucket of marbles.”
Of course, we can’t talk about how to party without bringing up one of its biggest downsides: the dreaded morning after. And while a head-throbbing hangover might be enough to slow some people down, it’s nowhere near enough to hold back Pam, especially with a little hair-of-the-dog to wash down her morning bear claw. Now she’s not only ready to face a brand-new day, but it’s safe to assume she was eager to knock back a few by quitting time.
Also, let’s not overlook Pam’s sage-like ability to drop two quote-worthy lines about the virtues and drawbacks of partying in the same conversation with Cheryl.
“You could shut your dick holster.”
Finally, a line that has a little less to do with partying itself, and more to do with how you react when people scrutinize you for it. To put it simply, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. After all, when you’ve got Pam Poovey as your spirit animal — what else could you possibly need? (Besides maybe a nice Green Russian to wash down some chicken and waffles, of course.)
Stay thirsty, Pam. Stay thirsty.
