As always, I love me some world records, and we are never suffering from a shortage of ridiculous world record attempts with so many people desperate to achieve some sort of fame. Of course, it’s not always about attention-starved people. Sometimes when I’m casting a spotlight on these record attempts I tend to ignore the records that are broken for a greater cause, and that’s not cool, bro, because people who do stuff for charities or causes deserve their attention. So that was the first thing I looked for when I started looking for this week’s big world records.
But then, without any real surprise, it turned into the same old parade of “They can’t be serious” records, and they’re all always serious. Instead of talking about some guy’s cricket world record or how the 2012 Summer Olympics in London are predicted to have the most world records ever or how Jonah Chesum demolished the previous paralympics world record at the All Africa Games, we’re going to talk about what really matters – boobs.
Join us, won’t you, for this week’s greatest world records.
In case you’ve been noticing a lot of exposed breasts this week, don’t worry, you didn’t die and go to boob heaven. We’re currently in the cleavage of World Breastfeeding Week, and the city of Middletown, Connecticut and the fine folks at the La Leche League are inviting new moms to gather on Saturday for a shot at a world record. They want to have the most women breastfeeding at the same time in one place. Don’t we all? Don’t. We. All.
According to the Hartford Courant:
Javapalooza Café on Main Street will host one of the Connecticut nursing groups. Registration begins at 10 a.m. and nursing starts at 10:30 a.m. There is no charge and no reward for participation.
But there’s a reward for watching, am I right, perverts?
Janet Parks, organizer of the Middletown event, said she is expecting between 20 and 40 nursing mothers to participate, and a record attempt requires one witness for every 10 participants.
Only 20 to 40? That seems like a pretty weak world record event. Hell, Travis Henry’s women can cover that alone.
The World Records Academy has announced that a new species of fungi has been discovered and it is now the world’s largest. It’s nice to see that Yao Ming has a use in retirement.
A new giant fungus thought to be at least 20 years old has been found in China; the fruiting body, which is equivalent to the mushrooms produced by other fungi species, is up to 10m long, 80cm wide, and 4.6-5.5cm thick and weighs half a tonne – setting the new world record for for the Largest Fngus.
Also setting a world record? The most blind copy editors at the World Records Academy. The UK previously held the world record for giant fungus, as a gigantic Rigidoporus ulmarius was discovered in 2003. Additionally, a world record was set by Amy Winehouse for not eating it.
Time to get your last minute gift shopping in order, because it’s the first birthday of M&M Pretzel, which I didn’t know existed until the moment I started writing this. To celebrate the candy’s creation, Mars Inc. is going to break the world record for the largest piñata today in Manhattan.
Mars is planning to break the Guinness World Record with this structure. The current holder of that title is a donkey piñata built to publicize Carnival Cruise Lines in South Philadelphia in 2008. The piñata is measured on volume: This pretzel is 121,279 cubic feet. (47 feet high, 68.5 feet wide and 37.67 feet deep, with a base of a fake cake.)
To win the competition, it must also hold candy. More than 2,000 pounds of bags of M&M Pretzels are inside, which musician Cee Lo Green will release by pulling two ropes attached to chutes for a crowd. (Wall Street Journal)
Cee Lo is on pace to have more jobs this year than Ryan Seacrest and Nick Cannon combined. In fact, the next time your racist aunt makes a comment about Mexicans taking all our jobs, tell her about Cee Lo, the American who is taking them back.
And if you happen to stop by Lexington Ave. for the record ceremony, make sure to stick around for the next world record – the largest insulin shot.
The 160th Wisconsin State Fair begins tomorrow, and the event’s organizers are bringing in the big guns this year. Not only will they have Johnny Welde and his 8 dancing bears (I know, I can’t believe they got Welde either!) but they will be attempting to break the world record for the largest cream puff.
“Yes we are. We’re going to be doing a big giant cream puff,” David Schmit with the fair says.
Even though the giant cream puff hasn’t been made, it will be at least three feet in diameter and take four hours to make.
“The minimum requirement is 50 to set a record – so where it finishes is that and 105 pounds,” he says.
But, if you want to eat a cream puff that fits in your mouth those will be ready to go when the fair opens. (Via 620 WTMJ)
Thank goodness, because I was just thinking that it’s not a Wisconsin state fair without plenty of super fatty pastries to go around.
Last year they sold 350,000 cream puffs.
And with a little luck they’ll get back up to the regular amount this weekend.
Alas, not all world records are meant to be broken. The people at Bra Chain attempted to break the world record for the most linked bras this past weekend in Worcester, England, and they called the whole thing off when they discovered that many of the bras were tangled in the boxes. The standing record is 166,000 by Australian women. Bra Chain wanted to connect 200,000 to raise money for women’s charities.
“We underestimated the time it would take to get the bras out of their boxes and hooked together – there were bras all over the place,” said Launa Walker at Bra Chain.
“It does take a lot of time to assemble bras into a chain and after about nine hours of hooking them up we decided to call it a day,” Walker told Reuters.
The organizers say they will attempt another world record bid in the future and are still accepting donations of unwanted bras. (Via The Vancouver Sun)
As a man, I’m generally regarded as more intelligent and capable of leadership than women. I’m also a better driver, deserving of higher income, and wiser at voting, but they do know a thing or two about bras, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I can’t help but think, and you can call me old-fashioned, but next time instead of keeping the bras in boxes, why not take the bras off of attractive women like Kate Upton and Brooklyn Decker before hooking them together? It just makes more sense.
