ZOMG DAVID ORTIZ WANTS TO BE A YANKEE!

Things are just an absolute disaster for the Boston Red Sox right now. First, they managed to produce one of the biggest regular season collapses in Major League Baseball history. Then, they made manager Terry Francona the scapegoat and booted him despite the fact that he led them to two World Series victories after an eternity of disappointment and dismay. Yesterday, General Manager Theo Epstein signed a 5-year contract to be the GM (and more!) of the Chicago Cubs. And now the Sox ownership and anonymous players are kicking Francona while he’s down by labeling him a drug abuser and emotional sissy boy. It’s quite the fahkin’ soap ahperah!

So can it get any worse? Hypothetically, yes. You see, David Ortiz spoke with ESPN’s Colleen Dominguez the other day and he admitted that he would play for the… *GASP* NEW YORK YANKEES!

“There’s too much drama, man,” Ortiz told Dominguez* in reference to the Red Sox. “There’s too much drama. I have been thinking about a lot of things. I don’t know if I want to be a part of this drama for next year.”

But would Ortiz really consider defecting to the other side of baseball’s biggest rivalry?

“That’s something I gotta think about,” Ortiz said. “I’ve been here on the Red Sox a long time, and I’ve seen how everything goes down between these two ballclubs.”

For instance, he’s seen how Johnny Damon was treated when he went from being an “idiot” to being the enemy. But that’s neither here nor there, because Ortiz is simply a free agent DH. He had a phenomenal contract year with 29 home runs and 98 RBI. But he’s also old and large and those things don’t bode well for a free agent. So let’s look at this for what it really is – a non-story created by a question that can’t actually be answered.

But just like LeBron James jokingly Tweeting that he needs John Clayton to explain to him that there is no deadline for NFL free agency, we’re going to have this idea of Ortiz playing for the Yankees crammed down our throats until MLB free agency begins. Would the Yankees sign Ortiz to play DH? I’m sure they would if the price is right. Would the Red Sox let him walk without a fight? I’m sure they will if the price is too high. All I’m saying is get ready to be really annoyed by this during the rest of the League Championship Series and the World Series.

*I know it’s cliché to point out ESPN’s arrogance and horribly self-serving journalism, but this one made me laugh. The actual article is attributed to ESPN Wire Services, and yet it still mentions Colleen Dominguez, the person who conducted the interview which produced the article’s quotes, as if she is some huge part of this story. At least when guys like Mike Wilbon and Stephen A. Smith make themselves a part of the story they do it with nonchalance.