Glee is the best at being the worst. Steal other people’s songs? Check. School shooting episodes? Check. School shooting episodes where the girl with Down Syndrome is the one who brought the firearm to class? Check. Ruin the Beatles worse than Julie Taymor’s bad acid trip of a musical, Across the Universe? Somehow, check.
Danger told you about the Beatles-themed episodes in September, and last night, the world was subjected to…
“Help!”
I should have bet my life savings (rounding up to the nearest hundred, I’m worth $100) that Glee would cover “Help!” It’s needy, it’s proto-emo, and the kids today, they love their exclamation points. So of course I didn’t make that bet with the hypothetical slimeball bookie who wages money on TV shows for pre-teens, and of course Glee covered the song in the most literal way imaginable: Blaine needs…help. !. John Lennon wrote “Help!” as a cry for, y’know, as the Beatles were becoming unimaginably huge; when you break the lyrics down, it’s actually quite tragic. On Glee, it sounds wimpy, and like it was recorded through a broken microphone. Also, Sam’s hair is awful.
“Get Back”
Ugh. Cute vaudeville. I can practically see Kurt and whoever else is singing this smirking while doing the Lindy Hop. It’s precious and terrible, when “Get Back” is supposed to be punchy and bluesy and darkly funny.
“Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”
What a weird choice. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is maybe the Beatles most famous album, but “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” is only its, what, fifth or sixth most well known song. Is this Glee proving their rocking chops, to use a phrase that you’d only hear on Glee, with some killer rock and or roll licks, to use more Glee speak, or is it because the writers needed a song to be performed at a prom and “She’s Leaving Home” might encourage dumpster prom babies? (Glee AND Family Guy references in one sentence? I am so sorry.) Please stick around long enough to see Marley and Unique headbang, because “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” is BASICALLY a Guns N’ Roses song. “And what’s the deal with those dumb outfits?” — teens.
“Let It Be”
Singing loudly with crocodile tears ≠ genuine emotion. This cover of “Let It Be” is like a white boy with no flow reading Kendrick Lamar lyrics off Rap Genius versus actually listening to Kendrick Lamar — yes, the words are identical and occasionally the inflection will match up, but it’s not the same; it’s telling rather than showing. Glee is scene after scene, season after season, of false drama, and rather than building to an earned emotional climax, it instead plops in “Let It Be” and lets Paul McCartney do all the dirty work. THAT MAKES ME FEEL ANGRY.
(Kind of like what I just did there.) ((Screw Glee.)
