Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.) — When Finn tries to replace his sword with a grass sword, he learns the new one is cursed, because Pendleton Ward was high as f*ck when he came up with that idea.
The Powerpuff Girls: Dance Pantsed (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.) — The girls thwart Mojo Jojo’s attempt to steal Chemical X, so he invents an evil video game to control their minds. Why is The Powerpuff Girls back, and more importantly, why is the special in CGI? The answer to both is: Ringo Starr guest stars.
Hollywood Game Night (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Two episodes of NBC’s drunkest game show, with Martin Short, Jason Alexander, Lester Holt, Valerie Bertinelli, Beth Behrs, and Julie Bowen desperately competing for our love and admiration in the first episode, and Michael Chiklis, Thomas Lennon, Mario Lopez, Retta, Paget Brewster, and Alyssa Milano in the second. Playing board games with Julie Bowen must be exhausting.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Robin and Ted try to get Barney to reveal secrets after he drinks too much. I bet he prefers The Phantom Menace to The Empire Strikes Back. That monster.
Sleepy Hollow (Fox, 10 p.m.) — Season finale. I’m weirdly going to miss this show.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.) — Archer, Pam and Lana travel to Miami to visit some old friends, reads the least helpful, non-Mad Men description of all-time. I hope the “old friends” are Babu and Wee Baby Seamus, just chilling.
Rick and Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.) — All of a sudden, Mondays are stacked, with Archer back and Rick and Morty getting better and better every week. Don’t miss this show. MY MAN.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: LL Cool J and Vampire Weekend on Kimmel; Denis Leary on Ferguson; Jessica Alba and Disclosure on Fallon; Gabrielle Union and Workaholics cast on Conan; Marilynne Roach on Stewart; and Scott Stossel on Colbert.
