For the first time since before any of Matt Stafford’s favorite sorority girls were even born, the Detroit Lions are 4-0, and for the first time in 10 years, the Lions are hosting a Monday Night Football game. To celebrate, the staff at the Detroit Zoo surprised their male and female lion (I won’t assume that they’re a couple) with a special Chicago Bears piñata for breakfast. And they ate it much like Kristen Cavallari ate Jay Cutler’s big ol’ heart.
More than 50 people gathered to watch as the lions entered the exhibit and slowly paced around the piñata. A lioness was the first to pick up the scent. As she moved quickly to the piñata, a male lion was close behind. The female slowly paced around the piñata. She backed away when the male lion moved in, his curiosity picqued.
Soon both became distracted and paced around the exhibit. Eventually the female lion moved in and attacked her prey by biting off its arm. The crowd let out loud “oohs and ahs” as she lay down in front of her fans to eat her breakfast.
(Via the Shelby-Utica Patch)
Hot damn, that sounds exciting! Let’s get to the gnarly action…
Wait, where’s the carnage? These are godless killing machines, the rulers of the animal kingdom. Where is the damn murderous rage?
Oh OK, here comes the king now. Now we’re gonna see that sucker torn open and ripped to shreds with bloody innards strewn about.
Dude, what the F? Is he eating grass? What a ripoff!
Lions are a joke. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
AWWWWW WHO’S DA WIDDLE QUEEN OF THE GODLESS KIWWING MASHEENS??? YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE!
