Archer (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — In what is apparently an homage to a Clint Eastwood movie from the 70s, Archer and Lana meet a bearded man named Crash McCarran (Rob Heubel) and find trouble in the Swiss Alps in tonight’s episode. Conan O’Brien is not expected to make a guest appearance.
The Taste (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) — In the two-hour season finale, Jonathan Waxman pops up as a guest judge and the remaining contestants are asked to create “Saints” and “Sinners” meals before passing to the final round. Here’s hoping one of them chooses gluttony as a sin and produces a dish where the main ingredient is doritos.
The Vampire Diaries (CW, 8:00 p.m.) — Kai kidnaps Elena, and Caroline and Stefan go to North Carolina in search of a cure for her mom’s cancer.
Mom (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — Death comes to town on Mom as a character “unexpectedly” bites it. If you’ve seen the trailers for tonight’s episode, it’s pretty clear who is making an exit.
Backstrom (FOX, 9:00 p.m.) — Rainn Wilson plays a dickish and self destructive detective who is amazing at his job in the long awaited premiere of Bones creator Hart Hanson’s new tribute to House.
The Last Gasp Of Two Dead Sitcoms (NBC, 9:00-10:00 p.m.) — Let me set the mood.
Long ago robbed of the chance to live beyond their initial orders, Bad Judge and A to Z have lingered like a ghost waiting for its door, but now the time has come to say goodbye as both air their final episodes tonight.
Oh, Bad Judge. You were a judge that was bad. Like, a little naughty. Not bad like a judge that takes bribes.
Oh, A to Z. Your adorableness annoyed me, but now we’ll never get to see your epically cute wedding that would have been the sweater-clad sneezing beagle puppy of television events. And for that, I am minorly sad to see you go.
Parenthood (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) — In the penultimate episode, a decision is made about Zeek’s health, Amber is rushed to the hospital, and Adam and Crosby quarrel over business matters as their rift grows deeper.
I hope Peter Krause’s next show is a dumb-dad multi-cam sitcom where he can just smile while his teenage daughters outsmarts him and his neighbor steals his power-tools. This man has worn the burden of familial drama on his face for too long. Casey McCall is long dead.
Portlandia (IFC, 10:00 p.m.) — Everyone is sick and half of them are on unicycles. Conan O’Brien is not expected to make a guest appearance.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Edward Norton, Al Michaels, and The Decemberists on Kimmel; Adam Sandler, Lena Dunham, and Maria Bamford on Judd Apatow’s Late Late Show; Blake Shelton, Bob Costas, and Motley Crue on Fallon; Felicity Jones and Sebastian Maniscalco on Meyers; Jennifer Aniston on The Daily Show; Archer cast members Chris Parnell, Judy Greer, and Aisha Tyler on @Midnight; and Ron Howard and Regina Hall on Conan.
