Pre-show editor’s notes:
– Brandon here. This is one of the cooler things I’ve gotten to do so far as the EIC (or COO, whatever) of With Leather. Soupy’s doing me a great favor by stepping in and covering the Best And Worst Of Survivor Series, so show him the most ever love so he’ll consider coming back.
– Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook. Follow Dan at @headabovewater and The Wonder Years at @twypoppunk . I put those links at the end because he’s already got a billion more followers than me.
– If you’re new here and just stopping by to read the guy from your favorite band’s wrestling column, consider stopping back by on Mondays and occasional Sundays for our open discussion threads, and on Tuesdays for the Best And Worst Of Raw. It got a shout-out at a TWY concert, so it is band-approved.
For further proof of street cred, here are two guys who dressed up as Daniel Bryan for Halloween:
– As always, your comments, shares, likes and whatevers are appreciated.
– Animated GIF and certain images courtesy of the lovely Casey. Everything else is from WWE.com. Please don’t sue.
All right, that’s it for me. Click through to enjoy the Best And Worst Of WWE Survivor Series 2012 by the gracious Mr. Dan Campbell.
Best:
Wanted to say thank you to Brandon for letting me do this. I won’t be as funny as he is and we don’t share all the same opinions but I’m incredibly excited to be a part of this. My band and I look forward to the blog every week and while we don’t comment, we read an appreciate everything everyone says. If you’re unfamiliar with who I am (and chances are that you are because why wouldn’t you be), my name is Dan. I sing in a band called The Wonder Years. We’re currently on tour with Yellowcard in the US and will be watching Survivor Series outside of the Boston House of Blues. I’ll be writing the report on a 12 hour overnight drive from Boston to Cleveland so it might be a little sleepy but I think it all makes sense. You can check us out here if you want: www.thewonderyearsband.com
Best:
Unexpected matches with good, underused talent. I feel like they realized the card wasn’t quite full and just threw this on but I’ll take it. I think Tyson Kidd is f**king awesome. I don’t know why he yells “Yep!” when he does anything like that guy from Storage Wars (I assume its an homage) but the guy can wrestle. I’ve actually always liked Tensai to a degree too. I feel like all they had to do was give him the mic for ten minutes, let him say, “Yea, I was Albert. Then I went to Japan, reinvented myself, learned a new style and now I’m here to rip you all to pieces with my mountain dew mist and rib-breaking sentons.” Instead, they have Cole allude to it awkwardly and Tensai never gets any traction. I’m sure he’s making great money though if they paid him enough to leave Japan for it so I guess whatever.
Worst:
Rosa Mendez not leaving with Del Rio tonight. I like the idea of them together a lot. I really just want to start seeing payoffs to stories on the thing I’m paying $50 to see. Stop always saving it for Raw. People are going to stop giving you the money if they get the payoff the next day. Do it on the pay per view and then do one of those weird photo montages on Raw for the people that didn’t order. (Note: They really showed me later on in the show. Damn.)
Best:
Sin Cara doing something without his leg exploding. Last year at Survivor Series was such a bummer. The match itself wasn’t great and Sin Cara destroyed himself doing a pretty basic flip over the top rope. He looked way better this year. It doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to be the star they wanted him to be but he’s been improving and I’m interested in it.
Worst: F**k.
That Brodus Clay/Tensai suplex “botch” or whatever was really sad. I feel like in a match where everything else looked pretty good, that was just upsetting. I thought Clay’s character had some chance to break out and grow when he started getting mad at Big Show this summer but then he just got dominated and now he’s stale and unexciting. I liked the idea of him as a dancing laughing guy until he gets mad and becomes an unstoppable machine. Instead, he’s more like a dancing laughing guy that gets mad and then is easily stopped by hitting him once or twice. What’s the point? Nevermind. The point is that kids get to dance in the ring. I actually appreciate that. Someone’s gotta dance with the kids.
Best:
Tyson Kidd doing the sharpshooter (about a million times better than the Rock) and everything that comes with it. Kidd needs a push.
Worst:
The seated senton that Rey does which I think is supposed to look cool and get everyone to say “ohh” and “ahh” but really just looks like a jumping dick to the face.
Best:
Kaitlyn is in jeans (kind of), which I think makes this a Chicago Street Fight.
Best:
Eve is pretty awesome. She’s improved a lot in the ring and she actually has a character with some depth and shades of gray. It’s cool to see. Her kicks looked legit, the triangle choke was awesome and she looked mean as shit when she was attacking and then smiley and disingenuous when pandering to the crowd. Kaitlyn isn’t bad either. It was the best Divas match I’ve seen in a long time. The only thing I really don’t like is Eve’s weak-looking finisher. She clearly has an arsenal of great looking MMA-holds. Why not let her tap her opponents out? You don’t get that a lot out of the Divas. Also, I hate myself more every time I type “Divas.”
Best:
Cesaro is really snarky and it rules. I’m worried that it’s going over some people’s heads but I think at the end of the day, it boils down to “He’s from Germany or some shit like that and he doesn’t support the troops.” Plus, he has a European Carry-All so it seems like he’s still getting the heat he needs because REAL MEN DON’T WEAR PURSES.
Worst:
I’ve never understood R-Truth’s character. I used to think he was supposed to be a schizophrenic homeless man but now he comes out in (assumedly) expensive custom jeans and shit so obviously they don’t intend on me viewing him as living on the streets. So, now I’m just confused. I guess he’s just crazy which would explain all of the terrible piercings and the necklace that I wore in 8th grade when I really like Sum 41, but I really feel like it’s wasted potential. Imagine the desperation of a legit crazy homeless man fighting for money to stay alive. That’s a dangerous dude that you should be very afraid of. Instead, it’s squandered and he’s just the guy that says whacky things, randomly dances and talks to an imaginary white kid for some reason.
Best:
Cesaro beating Truth. I know Truth has fallen off a lot but he was main eventing last year’s Survivor Series with The Rock and Cena so Cesaro going over him just raises his stock and that’s awesome. I also love how hard JBL works to get guys over. I’m a fan.
Worst:
Satellite problems. We ordered Survivor Series to the RV we rented for this tour and the satellite cut out for a bit so I missed some of the AJ Vickie promo. Sorry.
Worst:
SHE MEANS BITCH! WHEN SHE SAID RYHMES WITH WITCH, SHE MEANS BITCH. DID YOU GET IT???
Best:
I did like the slobber knocker joke, though. JUDGE ME.
Best:
Cool hair, Vickie. Super excited for you to join The Cure.
Best:
Wait, does this mean there’s TWO programs happening in the Diva’s division? That’s… actually kind of cool. I’ve never been huge on Diva’s matches and the slow-motion rope running but I think AJ has a lot of talent and I think Tamina does too. I’m actually fairly excited to watch them work and to get an added dimension to the story about how two consenting adults maybe having sex is somehow a scandal and the older woman who slaps her employees 100% too often.
Best:
Heyman telling it like it is. Punk didn’t do anything wrong. He took the chances that were in front of him to win. He beat Cena almost every time they’ve met in the last year and a half. I know that he’s supposed to be the cowardly heel and take cheap wins but he’s kind of just doing his job. He’s supposed to win and he wins. He took a chance at a clean pin in the triple threat match. He kept his title on a draw because a draw goes to the champ and Brad Maddox wasn’t his fault. That guy (at least as far as we storyline know right now) operated on his own free will. Also, every time Heyman gets on the mic it’s gold. I sincerely hope we see him as GM of Raw again soon and I hope his first order of business is firing Teddy Long.
Worst:
I f**king hate the Sheamus chest punch thing. I always feel like it’s going to shoot stop someone’s heart someday. I watch wrestling because people get fake hurt. It looks cool as shit but I don’t have to feel bad about myself for enjoying watching the suffering of others. That’s why I can’t do MMA much. Every match I’ve seen is two guys laying on each other until one of them punches the other one in the side of the head enough to knock him out. It doesn’t look cool and it’s actually f**king someone up. I know people get hurt in wrestling too but the point is generally to avoid serious damage and I really don’t want to watch someone die because Sheamus needs five signature moves and one of them is the heart-stopping rope punch that probably has some shitty Irish pun name.
Best:
Like I said, I love when it looks real. Big Show was really dull to watch for a while but man, these last two matches with Sheamus he has really put it down. He legit looks like he’s crushing Sheamus’ bones into dust that I assume he’ll later imbibe, because, you know, giant jokes.
Best:
Big Show is doing some classic heel shit. Pulling the ref in the way rules and so does bullying the ref and calling him a dumbass. It makes the win look cheap but doesn’t make Show look like weak. An added best for JBL making the most sense of anyone and making the totally logical point that you should NEVER stop until the bell rings. That’s sports 101 (I assume. I was an education major.), and should always be abided by. I think With Leather recently posted a video of a pee-wee football game where some kids didn’t pay attention to the whistle and now an entire team of youngsters are going to have war-time flash backs to the day when their fathers stopped being proud of them.
Worst:
I thought that was a heel turn. Sheamus beats Big Show mercilessly with a chair until he cant get up. Big Show is writhing in pain and shamefully asks for the beating to stop. Sheamus demands Big Show beg for mercy and then when he obliges, Sheamus kicks his f**king head off. THAT’S A HEEL TURN. WHY ARE YOU (people) STILL CHEERING? When Brett Hart held a bloody Austin in the sharpshooter until he passed out, Austin came out the hero, Hart came out looking like an asshole. All he did was beat on Austin after the bell a bit. Sheamus attacked Big Show and then laughed at his request for mercy and hit him anyway. That’s what super villains do, not the guys you’re supposed to cheer. This is really confusing me. Del Rio I get. Wrestling fans are racist. Del Rio is Mexican. Whoever is beating up Del Rio is the face. Wrong or right (It’s wrong. Very, very wrong), I understand why it’s happening. This has me legit stumped. I swear I heard someone in the crowd scream “cripple him.” What the f**k did Big Show do to you, guy?
Worst:
Big Show’s sell. I didn’t hate all of it but first he’s (I assume) trying to do the Ziggler flopping dead fish thing, but it doesn’t work because Big Show’s 450 goddamn pounds and trains with a dude named Dodd (note: Not Todd) that rides a bike that works like an elliptical machine. He’s in no condition to do a Ziggles-style sell. Then, we cut away and the announce team says whatever to recap and set up the rest of the show. The camera cuts back to presumably start the next match and JESUS CHRIST is Big Show is STILL on the ground crawling up the ramp? Doesn’t WWE have a medical staff? They were putting Brad Maddox on a stretcher before the crowd had a chance to chant “Feed Me More” for the 157th time that night, and that dude doesn’t even work there. You just signed Big Show to an “Iron Clad” big money contract. Maybe help him up off the f**king ramp within five minutes of him getting assaulted.
Best:
Vortex Commercials! From what I can gather, it’s a kid’s show where power rangers and Iron Man watch people do kickflips. It appears to have no plot and be mostly quick splices of Kofi Kingston jumping and flashing lights; perfect for a generation pre-disposed to Adderall reliance and the vast emptiness of the human condition. Also, did you see how high he jumped! Goddamn that was awes… Oh, Power Rangers!
Best:
Costume upgrades. Let’s all take a minute and enjoy the brazen and fantastic move changing Daniel Bryan’s logo to a drawing of Daniel Bryan screaming no. As we know from such esteemed champions of sport as the Pin Pals and Kobe Bryant, true questionably evil winners always advertise. Also, Kofi Kingston’s gear sucks significantly less. There were a few weeks where I thought the Lesnar’s Jimmy John’s thing was catching on because Kingston looked like a walking Buffalo Wild Wings ad and as much as I love garlic parm wings, it definitely didn’t make him look like a guy you should be afraid to wrestle.
Also, Miz’s vampire cloak. This is a man who knows where a Hot Topic or two are.
Worst:
So, we’re just recycling names now? The Wildcat Kofi Kingston? That’s what the fans are calling him, eh, Cole? But, there’s something nagging me about it. I just can’t put my finger on it… Oh wait! There already was a character named something pretty f**king similar to The Wildcat. Does creative have a thing against Mark Mero or have they just given up on new ideas? “We’re gonna call him Stone Cold Jack Swagger. It’s gonna be huge.”
Worst:
Kickouts. The whole point is to tell a story in the ring, right? So, when you hit the mat the very first time, the kickout shouldn’t look exactly the same as when you just took a huge bump after going for fifteen minutes. At the beginning, you should be kicking out before one, but if you’re going to do the whole dramatic two-and-a-half thing every single time, at least make it look like you half-way give a shit. David Otunga’s kick out legit bummed me out. I actually like Otunga. I think he’s got a pretty solid gimmick. I mean, he’s actually a lawyer and he can talk like one. He has poise on the mic and I’m generally engaged with his backstage segments, despite his distracting mug. Plus, he’s a seriously hot guy. I mean, the dude looks good. So when he consistently underperforms in the ring it upsets me. Put in the effort, man. Make it look like it matters even if you’re just in the match because Cody Rhodes maybe kind of died. Also, bonus worst for it not being Ricardo in the match.
Worst:
Trouble in Paradise is a bad finisher. I’m not totally on Brandon’s anti-Kofi wagon and I don’t mind the kick itself if it connects right. I just hate the set up. Generally, I feel that the thing that makes quick easy finishers work, is the element of surprise, So, standing in the corner clapping your hands and trying to get the crowd to yell boom (I think? He’s yelling boom, right?) with you is totally blowing it.
I know Kingston looks up to HBK a lot and that Shawn always “warmed up the band,” but there’s a difference. Shawn always seemed to be doing one of two things. 1) Almost striking fear into his opponent by letting them know he’s about to kick their head off (which is also why I think Orton pounding the mat actually works) or 2) trying to build up enough adrenaline and strength to finish the match. I just said this in a piece I did for Alternative Press but there was nothing better than watching Shawn pull his broken body up, lean on the ropes for support and start stomping the mat to convince himself he’s got enough left to end it. Shawn made you believe it. No matter what case, he stomped the mat with passion and conviction and the crowd could see it. The boom thing just seems forced; like he read somewhere you’re supposed to do something before your signature kick but never really looked into why.
Worst:
While we’re on the topic of finishers, Miz and Barrett need a change. Miz can never seem to get the full nelson locked in before he hits the Skull Crushing Finale. It ALWAYS looks sloppy. Miz does a lot of things really well but when you have a thing you NEED to do every match, you should probably make it look good. Same goes for you, Wade. Changing the name of your shitty elbow doesn’t make it a worthwhile move. Why an elbow anyway? Weren’t you a boxer? Just punch the guy in the f**king face if that’s where your story dictates you should go. Barrett is a big guy. He can pull off a lot of moves on a lot of people. Pick one that looks halfway decent.
Best:
Daniel Bryan. Just all over. The guy rules. You already know. I don’t need to tell you.
Also, Best:
Dolph Ziggler. The guy has always been great in the ring but he’s getting to be well rounded. I’ve enjoyed his recent mic work and I also really like his entrance without Vickie. It just seems to have more impact now. Ziggler’s bumps in this match were wowing and that’s what matters. When he did the monkey flip off of Kofi, it may not have been the most realistic thing in the world, but it looked f**king awesome and that’s what people want to see! Ziggler is a talented guy with a lot of confidence. He’s super handsome and it looks like he finally stopped talking so f**king fast. I think he’s a future face of the company.
Best:
Jerry Lawler claiming that Alberto Del Rio can’t be the greatest thing Mexico has given the world because of tacos. I know, it should be a worst but at this point, he’s just delivering what’s expected. Jerry Lawler’s racism is like a comforting constant. When we’re far away from home, I appreciate being able to go to Starbucks and get the same drink I would get next to my house. Jerry Lawler saying racist shit just let’s me know I’m still watching wrestling.
Worst:
Nevermind. The “Ricardo’s brothers names are Jose and Hose-B” joke was too much. Come on, dude.
Worst:
Was Foley really kept a part of this story just to get a cheap Socko pop? I love Foley. The first show I saw live was In Your House Mind Games that closed with Foley/Michaels. I think he’s an incredible asset but man, oh man is he misused right now. He can make you feel anything he has to say so give him something decent to say. He can probably still take a bump or two also. I think you can get him into something decent and really really put over a young guy.
Best:
Holy shit. Orton doesn’t know what to do if you don’t get up for the RKO. He legit looked confused. Ziggler beat the system by just staying down. That’s awesome. I just imagine the voices in his head going “What the f**k? We did the power slam. We did the hanging DDT. We coiled like a snake and slammed the mat. Now he gets up and we hit the RKO. What’s he doing? Why’s he just laying there?! GET UP!!!” and then having some sort of existential breakdown where they question what is and isn’t real in this world.
Best:
Maybe the best of all, they let Ziggler do the Super Kick. Remember all the shit I was talking about bad finishers? I had Ziggler’s on the list until the end of this match. The Zig Zag sucks. Dolph has all of the skills to be the next HBK. What’s even better is that they did it the right way. The end of that match told an awesome story. Ziggler does the Zig Zag and should get the win. Orton kicks out because he’s the sole survivor for a million years running or some shit and beats Ziggler up. Zigs is all but dead and has to reach down and hit something even more explosive than his (totally non-) explosive finisher. Boom! Super kick. He makes it look incredible and I’ll be crushed if he doesn’t keep doing it.
Worst:
They spent the whole match putting over how Miz and Orton have beef and nothing came of it. I wasn’t dying to see that feud but I just wish things had direction. I guess we’ll see what happens.
Worst:
Ryback saying “feast” makes me feel weird. I can’t really explain it beyond that. Just like, it feels wrong and dirty.
Worst:
That was a really shitty pop for Cena. I want to give that a best because this is the internet and we hate John Cena or whatever but really, it just bums me out. I’d like to think it means that wrestling is going a different awesome direction but it actually just makes me nervous that people don’t give a shit about wrestling anymore. Cena’s the face of the company. If crowds don’t pop for him, I don’t know where things are going. Also, Cena seems like a nice enough dude. Part of me just wants him to be a happy guy.
Best:
Those steps f**king exploded. That looked awesome and is especially cool because they’re made of like depleted uranium or something so Cena must have hit them with the velocity of a small commuter train. I’m not sure of the exact physics of it, but if they’re as heavy as Cena makes them seem when he lifts them (and, duh, of course they are), the force needed to make them fly like that must have been intense.
Worst:
Ryback’s weird pre-Meat Hook shoulder dance. This is the same shit I was saying with Kofi’s hand slap shimmy thing except it looks even more awkward. I can’t tell if it looks like he’s having a stroke or if it looks like the most awkward kid alive at his first middle school dance but either way it needs to stop. The people are SO STOKED to chant feed me more. Just do the normal hands above your head thing and they’ll do it. You don’t have to stroke dance your way to chants.
Best:
Punk really is great. I think he gets a lot of unwarranted shit. Well, I guess it is warranted because if you call yourself the best in the world, you’d better live up to it. I honestly feel like Punk does a great job every match. He looked great throughout most of this and I always enjoy watching him go.
Best:
The Ryback seemed legit confused by the rules which is awesome. I really like the idea of Ryback as something outside of human. He got over for me when he showed up and threw a couch at Miz. I used to (and should start again) reading this comic called Sweet Tooth where animal/human hybrids exist. I dig the idea of The Ryback being like that. He understands and can speak some English. He loves wrestling because he gets to beat people up but he doesn’t really understand that there are rules and regulations. I think he did a great job portraying that when he recently screamed “I hit hard,” into the camera last week. You sure do, buddy. You sure do.
Best:
That table f**king exploded! I feel like a lot of announce tables just kind of break. Ryback annihilated them. The only issue is now Jerry Lawler has nowhere to put his shitty Samsung Galaxy or whatever.
Best:
Seth Rollins. Dean Ambrose. Roman Reigns. If you read this blog, I don’t think I need to explain to you why this is awesome. Ambrose is one of the most engaging wrestling characters I’ve ever seen. Rollins is awesome all around. I don’t know a lot about Roman but I’ve heard good things and I’m excited to check out some video on the 12 hour drive tomorrow. This is the first exciting and surprising thing to happen on WWE TV in over a year. I actually didn’t see it coming at all and it was f**king awesome.
Best:
365 days! Punk holds the title for over a year. Nothing like that has happened in forever and it’s so good to see. They invested a lot of time in this title run and I’m glad they didn’t cop out on it.
Best:
On a personal note, Rollins is a good friend of ours. He comes out to all of our Florida shows and I have an awesome video of him doing a phoenix splash as a stage dive at our last Tampa show. He’s a great wrestler and a better dude and I’m incredibly excited to see him get the chance he deserves. He, Ambrose and I assume Reigns were too good to be thrown into the mix in anyway that didn’t stop the show and this stopped the show. Rollins, if you’re reading (and you are because I sent you the link), congrats man. You deserve it and I know you’re going to change things in the WWE for the better in the coming months and years. The future is f**king now.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night
Honorary inclusion: Derrick Bateman
I’m a USA guy and ill be upset if truth wins
mrejr8234
Tamina’s superfly splash look like when you toss a baby in the air and they start falling and don’t know what the f**k is going on
BootyPopEvesDrop
When did the actor from Knucklehead become a wrestler?
Lobwedgeguy
Sheamus has shoulder blocked the ring post so many times that its a DLC Signature move.
Ravishing Ricky Steamboat
They should show Ziggler coming out of the bathroom, look at the replay and go “I’ve made a huge mistake”
Joelski
If Wade Barrett sells his ring gear, does he HAVE A BARRAGE SALE??
Ricky The Steamboat
0.002 on the Muta Scale
Robert Conspiracy
Valhalla Catering with the run in!
Knoxville_Nightmare
ERMAHGERD DRN EMBRSE!
85
Bryan’s gonna run back out and choke Justin Roberts for old time’s sake.
