Comedian and improv theater founder Chris Trew is a New Orleans Pelicans superfan who has a single season ticket directly behind the visitors’ bench inside New Orleans’ Smoothie King Center, where he often heckles the opposing team’s players and coaches. He will be documenting some of his interactions here for us in a regular column called Behind the Bench. You can follow his in-game interactions live on Twitter at@Trew2theGame. The Pelicans’ opponent in this column: the San Antonio Spurs.
Everyone knows the San Antonio Spurs are the model NBA franchise. But did you know that they are also mostly robots? The only time I’ve ever gotten any sort of emotional reaction from the Spurs bench was a time an assistant coach stared me down while pointing at his championship ring. Kind of a dick move by trash-talk standards, but alas, I do not have a ring and he does. This game, though, showed a new side to a few Spurs. Here are some notes I made about the team during the course of the game.
— Leg room for my row of seats was at an all-time low as the control freak San Antonio Spurs hauled their own ice chest to the game filled with specially-coded sports beverages. Between their special needs and their 800 assistants, I barely had room to stand. One of the assistant’s position was, I believe, Pillow Personnel, as their job appeared to be making sure giant pillows (that look like airplane neck pillows, but in a square) were placed on the seats correctly. One of the pillows would not last the night.
— Matt Bonner really likes The Walkmen and I know this because at SXSW a few years ago he threw a party where they played. This is the kind of information a backdoor heckler like myself thrives upon, so before the game I disguised myself as a neutral fan (took my Pelicans hat off) and asked what his favorite songs were. My plan was to throw this information back at him while he’s squaring up for a corner three while I’m sitting five feet away. Alas, he was inactive.
— Between the first and second quarters a small child (over/under on his age: 7) ran up to Tim Duncan on the bench with a photo and a marker. Spurs security swiped the kid away, understandably so, ending those dreams. Duncan, meanwhile, locked eyes with the youngster, haunting those dreams for a lifetime, because Tim Duncan does not give a f*ck.
— Danny Green is the Spur that is least Spur-like in his body language. He complained a lot and occasionally made eye contact with me giving that will you please shut up I hate you look that some players are so quick to display.
— When Tony Parker was pulled from the game after some missed defensive assignments he threw a temper tantrum on his way to the bench, capped off with his grabbing of those patented giant Spurs pillows and throwing it behind the basket. This, of course, makes all the fans around him point and scream. It also, in my opinion, sealed the deal for New Orleans as the Spurs moved to 0-1 lifetime whenever Tony Parker disrespects the pillow.
Bonus: Quick Greg Popovich “Thug Life” Video
