Welcome to the 2011 NBA Draft Awards – an awards ceremony where we celebrate the obscene, the awkward and the term “wingspan.” Unlike the red carpet, we encourage the peculiar and admire the hideous. You wear a green suit, you probably get an award. You hug David Stern for more than four seconds, you probably get an award. You make fun of what Craig Sager‘s wearing or his unnecessary question about how you’re feeling now that you just got drafted, you bet your ass you get an award. Much like the Oscars, this award defines your legacy – separating the boys from the Hall of Famers.
So without further ado, your 2011 NBA Draft Awards:
Best Dressed
Potentially the most prestigious NBA Draft award, this year was a bit of a disappointment. Rumors have surfaced that Commissioner Stern was hiding in dressing rooms, choosing outfits for players like a mother on her kid’s first day of kindergarten. But someone has to win the award, and in his navy blue suit with white outlined lapels and a white handkerchief, Kawhi Leonard walks away with Best Dressed.
Worst Dressed
Everyone besides Kawhi Leonard. THIS JUST IN: According to multiple sources, Stern was in fact hiding in dressing rooms before the draft. Come on David, you’re better than that…
Worst David Stern Embrace
This one goes to Enes Kanter for approaching Stern like he was covered in manure. If you notice, Kanter never gets within three feet of Stern after the handshake, as if Casper the Friendly Ghost lodged himself between the two. Everybody knows you turn into Stern after the handshake to pose for pictures. A bit of a nitpick here, but this is my ceremony. I make the rules.
Best David Stern Pronunciation
“With the fifth pick in the 2011 NBA Draft, the Toronto Raptors select YO-nahs vah-lahn-CHEW-nahs, from Utena, Lithuania. He last played for Lietuvos Rytas in Lithuania.” David, I’m still mad at you for the closet thing, but well done on this one. Not only did you nail the name, but you went the extra mile, telling us where Jonas was from as well as the last team he played for. Oh David, you overachiever you…
Best/Most Awkward Interview Moment
Mark Jones: “Jonas, you said your game is like former Toronto Raptors power forward Chris Bosh. How is that?”
Jonas Valanciunas: “Well, I mean, I have not so strong of body. So, I…don’t know. Uh…I don’t know.”
Mark Jones: “He’ll get better at his English but trust me, he’s a talent.”
(Four second awkward stare at the camera, annnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.)
Funniest Moment
Jay Bilas acknowledging his cult-like “wingspan” drinking game followers by throwing in a “bottoms up everybody” before describing Derrick Williams‘ 7-1 wingspan. Gotta show Jay some love for making every college kid playing the “Bilas Drinking Game” a little bit happier – and a little drunker.
Best Moment
Easily Jan Vesely for his “The Notebook-esque” kiss. Side note: The mystery women who exploded Google with her Kiss Cam performance – Eva Kodouskova, Vesely’s estimated 6-5 girlfriend.
What other 2011 NBA Draft Awards would you hand out?
Follow Scott on Twitter at @scott_horlbeck.
Follow Dime on Twitter at @DimeMag.
Become a fan of Dime Magazine on Facebook HERE.
