Comments Of The Week: Yogurt Mustache Edition

We will be getting new FilmDrunk shirts reasonably soonish (I think?), but in the meantime, you’re still playing for bragging rights. Just a warning here at the outset, it may get a little inside joke-y this week. That’s just what happens when one of our own becomes the big star of an online yogurt campaign. Also, this is the second week in a row with a Matt Lieb banner image. Strange times we live in. As always, nominate for next week’s CoTW in the comment section below.

Now then. As you might expect, we got some more of Schnitzel Bob’s incredible Matt Lieb fan fiction. We’ll get to that in a second, but since we recognized Schnitzel B last week, I thought we’d lead off this week’s with my favorite comment, from the Gone Girl Review Part 2 (with spoilers):

Chareth Cutestory: Officah, it’s nawt true. Chahlene is just lyin like that twat in Gawn Girl. She clubbed hahself with that bawttle of Bushmills. You know how these brawds ah. Fackin schemes and sh*t.

That’s just solid commenting right there.

As promised, here’s some Schnitzel Bob’s fan fiction from Matt’s story about meeting Bob Zmuda:

Schnitzel Bob:

Vince heard the softest of knocks on his door. He sighed, knowing it could only be one man.

“Come in, Lieb” he growled. The door opened. Matt peeked his head in.

“How did you know it was me?”

Vince sat back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. “Who else?” he asked, more or less rhetorically. He sat back up. “Anyway, what do you want?”

He watched as Matt began the nervous shifting he always did whenever he asked for something. He observed the way his employee (and in some small way, his friend) half-raised his left foot and swiveled it on the ball. The effect was unflattering. Vince thought on the fact that many of Matt’s mannerisms were unflattering.

“Well sir, it’s my grandmother. She’s very sick and she probably won’t make it to the end of the week. She lives across the country and I’d like to go visit her as soon as possible.”

“Where does she live?” Vince asked.

“New York. Sir”.

Vince didn’t respond or even look at Matt. He got out of his chair and walked over to the window, observing the pigeons that populated the sill while absent-mindedly scratching his ass.

“Why are you really going, Matt?”

He could hear the nervous shift in Matt’s posture.

“I… my grandmother…” Matt began weakly. Vince turned to face Matt and watched as he deflated under his boss’s stern gaze.

“Yogurt.”

“What?” Vince genuinely hadn’t heard the answer, muffled as it was by shame, sadness, and a moustache.

“Yogurt. I’m doing an online yogurt commercial.”

Vince rested on the edge of his desk. He considered his options. Matt was mostly obedient and, more importantly, deferential. Unlike the straight-laced Alison, or the hapless Laremy, Matt could be routinely put-upon without reacting adversely. And while he’d obviously lied, a dog needs to be let off his leash every once in a while.

“You go do your yogurt commercial” Vince watched Matt’s reaction as he gave his blessing. “But I expect you to file stories while you’re there. And I want my laundry done immediately before you go and after you come back. Otherwise I’m gonna have to wear tea-towels as underwear again, and I don’t think anybody wants that, do they?”

Matt was still clearly processing the information and the implied threat. It was more than he’d expected, and he grinned internally at the thought of his trip. “Yes,sir! I mean, no sir! Laundry will be done, sir, I’ll clean those underwear so thoroughly that you could eat off them!”

Vince grimaced at the thought. He knew what went on in his underwear and knew that no amount of cleaning could erase some things.

“Just get outta here.” Vince said. He shook his head as Matt left and wondered if he’d made a mistake.

It’s hard to find just one piece of goodness in there, but if I had to pick a favorite line, it was “Vince thought on the fact that many of Matt’s mannerisms were unflattering.”

Elsewhere… Also from the Bob Zmuda post:

silance: You know who else spent 7 days straight in a hotel room chugging yogurt?

Verbal Kunt: Yeah, but I don’t see what Vince’s mom has to do with this story.

From this picture (probably NSFW) of a lady with a silicone penis:

Verbal Kunt: That’s impressive. You’ve managed to find a picture of Miles Teller that didn’t make me immediately want to hit him in the head. Probably because he’s hugging that Asian lady.

From Casey Affleck to star in Boston Strong, the comment section of which went down the rabbit hole from hell.

Chazz Goodtimes: holy sh*t, Bostonians and New Yorkers arguing about whose terrorist attack was worse is the most Bostonian and New Yorker thing ever.

Funny ’cause it’s true, yo.

And now for the inside joke portion of Comments of the Week. From my review of Dracula Untold, the f*ck you potatoes of movies:

BackToTheSutures: But do they show the pikes going in?

I wish. From Matt’s yogurt commercial:

Dickinmya: The internet is so weird. I’ve never met Matt and never will but my heart is exploding with pride that this stranger I’ve heard of now has a job on online ads I’ll most likely skip.

Well said. Also…