In the spirit of optimism, I’m hoping that ~90% of these retweets are ironic. Of course Jaden Smith is really into half-assed hypothetical infoturds like this. Bro, did you know if we didn’t spend any money on the military, we could send everybody to college for like, fifty years?! Or like, if everyone jumped at the same time, Earth would blow up? Yeah, it’s crazy dude, especially when you think how the air never really leaves the—oh, excuse me—Especially When You Think How The Air Never Really Leaves The Air, And Like, We’re Breathing The Same Air That Caesar Or L. Ron Or Bob Marley Breathed. Yeah Dude, Like, Even Their Farts and Stuff. Nah, Farts Are Only Gross Until You Realize That Human Beings Are Mortal But None Of It Like, Means Anything So We Should Just All Be Nice To Each Other. It’s Super Obvious But Parents Don’t Realize It Because They Spend So Much Time At ‘Work’ Learning To Chase Money And Ignore Art And Just Not Understand.
It’s tough not to get hella trolled by this level of buffoonery, so my infinite kudos to @selsbieber for responding in the best way possible. To avoid further crimes against humanity, Will, please don’t get Jada pregnant tonight.
Screencap and response by Spencer Hall, who notes, “I want this to be how press conferences actually work.”
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The Morning Links
Watch: Wes Anderson’s 8-Minute Short, Castello Cavalcanti |FilmDrunk|
The Internet’s Funniest LOL Reactions to This Week’s ‘The Walking Dead’ |UPROXX|
How Your Favorite Characters Got Their Names |UPROXX Video|
10 Great TV Shows Royally Screwed By Networks |Warming Glow|
Russian Subways Are Giving Out Free Tickets to People Who Exercise |With Leather|
This A Capella Theme from ‘Zelda: A Link To the Past’ Is Amazing |Gamma Squad|
Guy Fieri Took the Oakland Raiders Back to Flavor Town |Kissing Suzy Kolber|
Celebrating 20 years of UFC with the 20 best gifs. |CagePotato|
Webbie Talks Anti-Tossing Salad (Again), Obamacare, Michael Jackson & More the Breakfast Club |Smoking Section|
KKK branching out, distributing recruitment flyers in predominantly black neighborhoods |death&taxes|
What You’re REALLY Drinking In Your Damn Pumpkin Spice Latte |Videogum|
‘Obamacare Girl’ Reveals Her Identity, Says She Was Cyberbullied |BuzzFeed|
10 of TV and Film’s Most Beloved Nerds Who Never Should Have Attempted To Go ‘Sexy’ |Pajiba|
Courtney Stodden’s Next Step Is Porn |The Superficial|
There’s Nicolas Cage Sex Photos In the World |IDLYITW|
This Video on Millennial Girls Meeting Guys Online is Amazingly |BroBible|
Miley Cyrus Says She’s ‘One of the Biggest Feminists in the World’ |Guyism|
That Elephant Really Has it Out for that Stick |The Chive|
30 Best Pediatric Urology Hospitals |Ranker|