Mark & Donnie Wahlberg Opening ‘Wahlburgers’ Restaurant. No, Really.

In what sounds like the awesomest, movie-themed food truck idea we never came up with, Mark Wahlberg, along with his brother Donnie Wahlberg, will be opening a restaurant called “Wahlburgers.” Their other brother, Paul (that’s him on the left, with their mom and… uncle?), will be head chef. Also working there, I imagine, will be an assahtmint of cousins, knawckarounds, an hahd ons from the neighbahhood, such as Squeezebawx, Caspah, Tawmmy, Wawp Tawmmy, Snawtlips, Dahkie Mike, Skidmahks, Richie Three Balls, Elbows, The Gooch, Fruity Pete, Gene, and Johnny Bitchtits.

Hingham chef Paul Wahlberg, brother of actor Mark and New Kid on the Block Donnie [ouch. -Ed], has cleared a major legal hurdle in opening his new hamburger restaurant — securing the name, Wahlburgers, which had been previously trademarked.
“It just works,” said Ed St. Croix, Wahlberg’s business partner. “It’s a good-sounding brand we could put out the product with, a great name people could relate to.” [by which I mean ridicule]
St. Croix said the restaurant’s ownership approached [pelted with batteries? showered with verbal abuse?] Tom Wahl’s, a chain of burger joints based in Rochester, N.Y., a few months ago after they discovered it sold a product called the “Wahlburger.”
“We were definitely surprised,” St. Croix said. “It was a thing we had talked about for several years.”
The Wahlburgers’ group secured “full spectrum” use of the name, St. Croix said, but wouldn’t discuss financial terms of the deal, or any other details.
The group, which includes chef Paul and his famous brothers, also had some backup names, just in case it wasn’t able to secure the rights to Wahlburgers, but St. Croix wouldn’t divulge them for fear of confusing the issue.
Wahlburgers is slated to open soon at the Hingham Shipyard, across from the group’s Italian restaurant, Alma Nove, named in honor of the Wahlbergs’ mom and her nine kids. The group is also planning to open a pizza joint next spring. [BawstonGlobe via Movieline]


Wahlbuhguhs? Wheyah?

In New Yawk.

New Yawk?!? Fack that cawksuckah. Let’s buy him out, and take his queah restrint back ta Mass.

Great idear, we’ll put it right neah da fackin’ hahbah.

Go Sawx?

Go Sawx.