A lot of times when a new comic book movie is announced, I’ll email my GammaSquad colleague Dan Seitz and ask him if it’s worth it to pick up a specific Marvel book and do some research. You know, for journalism and sh*t. After all, there are plenty of details in the Marvel Universe films that don’t make sense to a casual 90s comic book reader like myself, so I’m obviously going to have questions after Captain America and Co. are done defending a few blocks of New York City from the Chitauri invasion. And I know that I’m not alone.
After Robert Downey, Jr. revealed the newest and 1949er84th clip from Avengers: Age of Ultron at last Sunday’s MTV Movie Awards, I saw one question in particular being asked by plenty of people on Twitter: How the hell does Iron Man fit into the Hulk-Buster suit? I thought the answer was pretty obvious, and I’m hardly a comic book movie expert, but the more I poked around the more I realized that people have a lot of simple questions about Marvel’s The Avengers and Avengers: Age of Ultron. In fact, some people don’t even like the movies because they’re stuck on these so-called plot holes.
To answer some of the questions, I called on Dan for his expert knowledge and I’m throwing in my basic knowledge as well, because these are movies that people should be able to enjoy without having a lot of questions. Hopefully this helps you.
So, how does Iron Man fit into the Hulk-Buster suit?
Dan: It’s a suit that fits over his suit. Think of it like a Russian nesting doll.
Burnsy: How does Iron Man do anything? How did Tony Stark put on that first suit and blast his way out of his cave prison? How did he create a computer system that pilots multiple suits at one time so he could stop the man who breathes fire without bursting into flames or melting? How does Tony live with a brand new element in his chest that keeps shrapnel from entering his heart? It’s a comic book. Also, he’s a super billionaire, so I assume they can afford that.
Why is he Iron Man if his suit isn’t necessarily made of iron?
Dan: The original suit was made of iron. Tony upgraded it later.
Burnsy: Because even in this Rovellian state of #BRAND AWARENESS, Tony Stark likes to keep it simple. Coke failed miserably with New Coke, so if Iron Man changed his name every time he tinkered with a new metal, people would get confused and ultimately distracted from the bigger picture… that he’s a dude flying around in a suit that fires missiles and lasers at bad guys. Focus on the awesome.
How come no one just shoots Captain America in the head and calls it a day?
Dan: A headshot is much harder to land on a moving target than video games have led you to believe. You might notice that Cap is wearing a helmet, as well, and has a shield that’s pretty good at deflecting bullets.
Burnsy: I’ve asked this question a lot, mainly because I find it difficult to believe that after watching several movies and all of Agent Carter that the HYDRA agents couldn’t take a few super soldiers aside, hand them rifles and be like, “So maybe if we shoot this guy in the face…” But I think the better answer to this is that if Cap was capped in the face and killed, that would suck for the comic books and movies.
Why was the Hulk all angry and ready to kill everyone on the helicarrier in Avengers, but then he was all, “It’s cool, I can control it” later?
Dan: He was being manipulated by Loki through his staff, which we see early in the movie can control people through skin contact.
Burnsy: Because if he didn’t show up to go Hulk on the Chitauri, Tony would have looked really stupid and you and I would be Loki’s slaves right now. Also, Hulk doesn’t have to make sense. He has to smash.
Who is paying for all of the infrastructure and property damage being caused by the Avengers and their enemies?
Dan: Wilson Fisk. Oh, you haven’t watched Daredevil? You should watch Daredevil.
Burnsy: What I love about the end of The Avengers is they did that stupid “Man on the Street” reporting montage, so regular Joes and Janes could weigh in on the Avengers, as if every response in reality wouldn’t be “WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED?!?!” Those people were so calm and cool after having watched a hole open in the sky, and an army of aliens and flying dragon monsters appear to annihilate us. In fact, if Marvel’s doing any spin-offs of Agents of SHIELD, I’d love to see one about politicians responding to the attacks and Avengers Initiative and using it as leverage in elections. Like Marvel’s West Wing. Then they could devote an episode to creating funding for repairing the streets and bridges of NYC since the Chitauri can’t exactly be charged for war crimes.
How does a robot with artificial intelligence suddenly become more powerful and more intelligent than the person who created it?
Dan: Actually, this is a legit concern about AI called “recursive self-improvement:” The belief is that once AI systems work out how to improve themselves, they’ll constantly be rewriting their code and updating their processes to become smarter and smarter without human assistance.
Burnsy: Because robots and AI are f*cking terrifying and they shouldn’t be messed with. People always want to talk about the zombie apocalypse, but I’m all in on SkyNet. Why is Ultron better than us? Because someone taught him how to play chess better than us and now he has a big AI penis to wave around.
Why the hell does a robot want to commit genocide on humans anyway? One of us created him!
Dan: In the comics, it’s because Ultron’s brain patterns are a copy of Hank Pym’s. Hank Pym is who Michael Douglas plays in the Ant-Man movie, and in the comics, he’s a wife-beating, whiny, passive-aggressive dick. Seriously, Marvel just published an entire graphic novel that can be summed up with “Hank Pym is a dick.”
As for the movies, we haven’t seen it yet. But since they’ve firmly established Tony Stark is going full dick in later Marvel movies, we assume it’ll be something along those lines.
Burnsy: Because one of us knows where the plug is. There’s always a plug. Why doesn’t John Connor just unplug SkyNet and call it a day? I’ll save my Terminator questions and references for another time, though. For now, the most basic answer is that Ultron is a jerk with daddy issues.
How does Quicksilver run so fast?
Dan: Because that’s his superpower? Here’s a brief explanation of the actual physics, and how he’s the worst Avenger just on a collateral damage basis.
Burnsy: His name is Quicksilver. If his name was Moderately-paced-silver, this would be a more acceptable question. But the only answer you need is that, in the case of Age of Ultron, the HYDRA scientists did some messed up stuff to him and now he can run fast. The better question would be why is this dude so pissed at the world when he could be out there pulling in crazy coin as the world’s fastest man? I don’t get why there aren’t more mutants in these movies that are moonlighting as pro athletes. Short of adding the NFL Super Pro to the MCU, I’d like to see at least one hero with the common sense to GET. PAID.
How does Hawkeye have so many arrows available in his high-tech quiver?
Dan: He had SHIELD money and later Tony Stark money and engineering skills. It’s kind of amazing the dude’s not pulling arrows out of an alternate dimension at this point. Tony should stop slacking off.
Burnsy: My thought when watching the big battle scene in Avengers was that the first thing he should do when they get back to SHIELD HQ is demand to use that new alien technology they discovered to make him laser arrows, like that magical bow that Mickey Rourke tried to steal in The Immortals. After all, this is a comic book movie, so they should be thinking of this stuff long before I do.
If the aliens and robots have lasers and sh*t, how the hell is Black Widow doing any damage with her little handguns and electric sticks?
Dan: Most of the aliens are wearing what amounts to chainmail bikinis. As for the robots, Ultron probably cheaped out on the armor plating. Notice that Cap can bash a shield through them with ease; while the 9×19 caliber ammo Black Widow’s Glock 26 pistols use probably isn’t as heavy, it’s moving a lot faster and has a few modifications from SHIELD. This is an organization that can turn a standard 9mm pistol into a long-range non-lethal weapon, they’ve probably figured out how to up the stopping power of their ammo.
Burnsy: I like Black Widow a lot and think she could definitely have her own awesome standalone Justine Bourne-like movies. But they need to up the quality of homegirl’s arsenal moving forward, because there’s a mad titan out there trying to put together a glove that can wipe us all out with ease. She’ll at least need some laser handguns.
How was dropping the Hulk from a helicarrier in a glass chamber going to kill him?
Dan: In the Marvel universe, the military has a long history of coming up with ideas to kill or stop the Hulk. They have full confidence in these ideas, and of course, they never work. This is one of them. Besides, the real purpose is to get the Hulk off the helicarrier before he smashes it out of the sky.
Burnsy: Yeah, I never thought the purpose was to kill the Hulk as much as it was to distract him while everyone else hauls ass in another direction. That’s why the next logical step is to put him on a rocket and blast him into space, so he can eventually team up with the Guardians of the Galaxy, even though they swear that won’t happen. Because they’re jerks.
How can Thor have sexual relations with a human girl if he’s a god and she’s just plain, old Natalie Portman?
Dan: Thor has a good measure of his strength; we see him picking up glasses without shattering them and interacting with humans without just crushing them. He can even choke Tony Stark without squeezing his windpipe into a red pulp. So presumably Thor has a measure of self-control when it comes to doing the humpty hump. He’s probably hell on bed frames, though.
Burnsy: Ah yes, the old Superman-Lois Lane conundrum. I can almost hear the scene from Mallrats without starting to wonder how I ever loved that movie. Oh God it’s happening… must resist self-loathing… anyway, I’ve just assumed that since Thor can be hurt by anything, he isn’t all-powerful in every regard, but maybe he just plays it safe and stands a few feet away from Jane when it’s time to release his, um, guyfröst. I’m not sorry about that joke.
(Feel free to add some more questions in the comments, as this won’t be the last time that we address the burning issues.)
