Everyone was quick to jump on United awhile back, after they bounced an old man’s face off their arm rests for some arcane violation of air travel terms and conditions. But in the interests of fairness and balance, I think it’s important to recognize Delta as “one of the good ones” this week. This after the airline apparently removed Ann Coulter from an extra-legroom seat she’d paid for, sparking a furious tweetstorm. Among her countless tweets about the incident was a picture taken of the (apparently blameless) passengers who’d been given Coulter’s seat, whom Coulter also referred to as “dachsund legged.” (Which makes sense, whenever a restaurant botches my order I make sure to take a picture of the other annoyed patrons and then make fun of their physical appearance, for some reason.)
She claimed the incident cost her not just the $30 for the seat but “$10,000” of her free time, which I assume puts her value at approximately 10 grand for 10 minutes. (Or about five times as long as it took her to write “E Pluribus Awesome.”) This is the same Ann Coulter, if you’ll remember, who called the aforementioned United passenger who’d been assaulted a “pill-mill doctor who should be deported.”
Yes. Yes it is. Please, for the love of God just be happy that Ann Coulter was briefly inconvenienced without hand-wringing or turning this into some “on the one hand/on the other hand” debate over airline policies and proper customer service. The Supreme Court would have us believe that corporations are people too, and this is the rare incident of a corporation actually acting like one. Did they bump her from her seat solely because she’s Ann Coulter? Oh God, I hope so. And is that fair? Oh heavens yes, it’s more than fair, it’s perfect. I wish Ann Coulter nothing but air travel inconveniences for the rest of her dumb life — e pluribus go f*ck yourself.
Do I even need to rehash the most terrible things Ann Coulter has said? Go read her Twitter timeline, I guarantee you could find at least 10 terrible takes just from today. She sucks. She probably sucks on purpose. She has monetized sucking. That a person can make a living being a real-life pro wrestling heel is something we’ve had to live with for a good 20 years now, at least since the dawn of reality TV. But for all the usual talk of Rush Limbaugh or Omarosa or Milo or whoever loving their haters and not being here to make friends and laughing all the way to the bank and all that, the one thing I always wonder about these people is, “Aren’t you people afraid someone is going to spit in your food?”
This was also my question the entire time I was watching Get Me Roger Stone. Being a flamboyant professional troll is all well and good, it seems plenty lucrative and I can’t imagine it’s very hard to just say the shittiest thing possible in every situation, but at some point, doesn’t everyone have to face the rabble? And knowing that, shouldn’t it give you some pause before you, say, write entire books trashing immigrants or advocate against raising the minimum wage? How does Lou Dobbs ever eat out?
This Delta/Ann Coulter story is so good because for once it allows us to live in that Fight Club fantasy where “we’re the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner” is a legitimate threat. I want to live in a world where spending your whole life bashing and marginalizing the kind of people who drive your cabs, clean your hotel room, and maybe even seat you on an airplane has real-world consequences. Living in a country where the president constantly brags about how much money he has and is also infamous for stiffing the non-rich contractors who work for him only makes me want that more.
So please, just let us have this one. Ann Coulter got stuffed into a cramped airline seat and, for a few minutes, all was right with the world.