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KFC Makes The Colonel Even Creepier By Turning Him Into An Influencer


KFC

KFC’s Colonel is downright creepy — this is a hill we’re willing to defend and die on. The role of the company’s spokesman has been played by a rotating cast of actors over the last few years — which has included everyone from Billy Zane to RoboCop — and it seems to us, that KFC is in some sort of competition to outcreep itself. And. They’re. Winning. We thought they were at the end of the road, that it couldn’t get any creepier than Colonel Reba McEntire, but then, KFC went ahead and deep-dived straight into the uncanny valley. They now present us a computer-generated Colonel, ala Lil Miquela (but way less cool), dubbed by the company, the “Virtual Influencer Colonel”. Why they aren’t using this as an opportunity to just call him V.I.C is beyond us. He looks like a Vic!

The uncanny valley, for those of you who don’t know, refers to the hypothesis that the more human a robot becomes, the more an observer’s emotional response will turn towards positivity and empathy — to a point. Once the robot becomes too human-like, that positivity flies straight out the window as the observer dives into a deep valley of strong feelings of revulsion. To simplify, humans like robots with human-like traits. We love C-3PO, but once C-3PO ditches his golden exterior for fleshy, life-like skin, starts growing out his hair, and starts insisting that we call him Clint, we will absolutely freak out. Clint will never be our real Dad!

Vic — remember, not what KFC is calling him — has all the hallmarks of an Instagram influencer. He has perfectly coifed hair, a perfect BMI, a model-like girlfriend (also digital), poses for pictures at some of Earth’s most beautiful locales, and even writes life-affirming inspirational captions.

“It’s important never to lose sight of the things that make you who you are. For me, it’s being in the kitchen and making amazing fried chicken. That’s what got me here, and I never want to lose that young and hungry Colonel who spent all his time perfecting fried chicken. I’m still that kid who straps on an apron and makes fried chicken. And I’ll never lose that part of me. Never lose the things that make you who you are. This is part of my #secretrecipeforsuccess.”

Vic wrote this on his Instagram. Absolutely terrifying, and yes, he most certainly IS wearing a t-shirt with the Colonel’s signature apron printed on it and a white hoodie. And we don’t like it. We don’t like any of it. The Virtual Influencer Colonel will be taking over KFC’s Instagram from now until April 22nd, follow him if you want nightmares.

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