Little Caesar’s New Menu Item Should Probably Just Be Called ‘You’re Drunk, Go Home’

08.29.16 3 years ago 3 Comments


Little Caesars has gone full Taco Bell. You never go full Taco Bell. Unless you’re Taco Bell; then you go full yourself until someone finally stages an intervention or the world runs out of alcohol and marijuana, thus drying up all your sales and forcing your hand.

From the same people that brought you a pizza wrapped in three-and-a-half feet of bacon comes their latest attempt to steal some of the pizza-pub from the pizza big dogs. Little Caesars newest pizza-ploy doesn’t actually involve a pizza at all, rather, it involves them unloading the entire damn clip into their crazy bites. The new Little Caesars Loaded Crazy Bread Bites consist of warm cheddar cheese sauce, shredded Muenster and mozzarella, grated parmesan, and pieces of applewood-smoked bacon splattered atop your traditional — now traumatized and emasculated — crazy bread bites. For the low-low price of just four dollars, you can now notify yourself in the clearest way to date that it’s over, you’ve given up.

The sanest thing about this monstrous concoction is the fact that Little Caesars is only making these available “Hot-N-Ready” from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. If you want it at any other time during the day you’re going to have to order them. Ordering Loaded Crazy Bread Bites in broad daylight would require the ability to speak — which would be impossible — because to even consider doing such a thing you might have to be blackout drunk.

This might be an elaborate undercover sting or some sort of DUI checkpoint police have set up to trick you into a confession.

(Via Brandeating)

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