If you’re planning a trip to Miami Beach Florida for Spring Break 2024… maybe don’t. No there isn’t a deadly storm descending on Miami Beach, and it’s not about avoiding the big crowds in favor of something more chill and relaxing. It’s just because the city doesn’t want you there and who wants to hang out where they aren’t welcome?
In a new ad issued by the City of Miami Beach, the city is attempting to break up with spring breakers. Not a few of them… all.
“Hey, we need to talk,” the ad begins. “This isn’t working anymore, and it’s not us, it’s you — we just want different things. Our idea of a good time is relaxing on the beach, hitting up the spa, or checking out a new restaurant. You just want to get drunk in public and ignore laws. Do you even remember what happened last March?”
At that point, the ad cuts to headlines highlighting the shootings and arrests that took place last year. And we get it, there are legitimate concerns to be had, NBC Miami reports that last year the city saw two deadly shootings and nearly 500 arrests.
But if the city of Miami wanted to turn away prospective spring breakers, maybe they shouldn’t have filled the ad with hot, young twenty-somethings because outside of parties, Miami Beach isn’t a young city (the median age is 42.5, nearly ten years older than most major cities). They should’ve used some old locals telling everyone to stay off their lawns. The ad even ends with this line: “Maybe we can talk when you’re done with your spring break phase but until then.” Meaning, you know, “Come back when you’re old and rich and and we can benefit from your money without having to deal with any hassles.”
Jokes aside, this is a continuing issue in the travel space — cities are all clamoring for rich, quiet travelers and don’t want younger, party-happy types. In a similar vein, certain destinations have been very public about not wanting budget travelers, in favor of wealthier ones. Without delving too deep into here, it’s clearly troublesome for cities in America (a nation built on stolen land) to tell other people where they should and shouldn’t go on vacation (just play out some other versions of that idea in your head if you can’t immediately see that it’s a slippery slope).
Regardless, hitting up Miami Beach may be more trouble than it’s worth. This month the city is planning curfews, bag checks, restricted beach access, DUI checkpoints, $100 parking, and strong police enforcement for drug possession and violence. The changes might help foster a safer environment for both spring breakers and locals, but it also sounds like the difference between going to a warehouse rave and a music festival.
And… if you think the latter is the cooler one, well, I have some property to sell you in Palm Beach.
