Donald Trump wants to put America first (debatable) and he made sure the whole world knew it during his Bane-quoting inauguration speech. Our president made it clear: He’s going to make America great again (again, debatable) and the rest of the world is just going to have to get over it.
Comedians across the pond in old Europe took this as an invite for a satire onslaught to jockey for the coveted “second” spot next to America. The Dutch weekend talk/sketch comedy show Zondag met Lubach launched an ad highlighting how great The Netherlands is with a travel commercial that seems finely attuned to the Trump id.
The Trump-friendly travel video ironically teaches you a little about the country underneath a thick layer of comedic snark.
Host Arjen Lubach does his best Drumpf impersonation as he highlights the beauty of a Dutch landscape hewn with idyllic wind mills. The video continues to showcase Dutch dykes to keep out water (“a wall!”), pony farms where you can “grab all the pony you want,” and even their super-racist Christmas sidekick Black Pete.
The video lets Trump know, “it’s the most offensive, the most racist thing you’ve ever seen. You’ll love it.”
The video hit the right tone of highlighting the beauty of The Netherlands and was still able to highlight their foibles and poke fun at themselves and their less-than-stellar national traditions. Like the “shit ______ say” vids, this one immediately spawned a slew of other European countries vying for the coveted “second” position.
The Czechs were especially scathing of their own president — who has a porn star daughter they think Trump will got along with handsomely. The beautiful shots of the Czech countryside are given the Trump treatment as the greatest land in all of Europe. They round everything out by going beyond just wanting to be second and ask to become the 51st US state.
Germany’s entry gets pretty dark when they mention that they “deserve a third chance” with us Americans. It then goes on to remind Trump that they’re “super great” at starting two world wars, building walls, and being nationalist. But they do have Oktoberfest! Which is a great beer drinking festival for making “really great pee.”
Switzerland uses the majesty of their Alps and the names of their weather broadcasters to appeal to Trump’s lesser instincts — but with a name like Boner, who can blame them? The darkest moment comes in highlighting the Swiss health care program called Exit. You’ll have to watch the video to learn what part of health care that addresses.
Austria jumps straight in and boasts about being the biggest country in Europe. “It’s huuuge! Like your fingers!” The ad goes on to highlight the Austrian history of banning Muslims and odd familial practices like dating one’s daughter in an attempt to appeal to Trump.
The madness has spread out of Europe and countries like Singapore are getting in on the action by highlighting their amazing food and ice cream served in a piece of sliced white bread.
The Belgians go right for the throat and use Trump’s own words about Brussels being a “hell hole” to explain that the rest of the country is great “except for the French-speaking part.” The Belgians then claim the Swedish band ABBA as their own homegrown crooners in an excellent application of alternative facts.
Finally the Danish “the people, not the pastry” are here to take on the Dutch and let Trump know how great the Danes are. They highlight their actors, language, and how “great” their rye bread is. They also let Trump know they have a peeing fountain that will be at his disposal should he visit.