Power Ranking The Worst Halloween-Themed Candy On Earth

10.05.18 7 months ago 9 Comments


Halloween is coming, and now that we’re into the first week of October we’re starting to see the spooky spirit take root. Suddenly ghosts, cob-webs, jack-o-lanterns, pumpkin spice, and candy corn are in way too many places. You wake up one morning in October and suddenly you’re forced into the spirit, whether you like it or not. But really, who doesn’t like Halloween? It’s the one holiday that remains exciting with each passing year. Children look forward to candy, teenagers dress as their ‘inner-selves,’ and adults take stabs at comedic expression with varying degrees of success.

Even the elderly look forward to all the butterscotch and other reject candy everyone dumps on them. It’s an ageless holiday!

But with Halloween comes some bullshit. Controversial costumes, weird gone-too-far pranks, and perhaps the most egregious: Halloween-themed candy. Now we’re not talking about candy corn. What we’re talking about is candy that is specially released in the Halloween season as a cheap cash-grab; a not-so-subtle attempt to sell you some god-awful nonsense masquerading as holiday spirit.

It’s easy to fall for Big Candy’s trap, that’s why we’re satiating your curiosity by digging through all the Halloween-themed candy we could find to warn you which treats you shouldn’t get tricked into buying. We’ve eliminated all candy that is a simple palette-swap. No orange and black Junior Mints or ghost-shaped Peeps here. Only the brands that go beyond a themed-wrapper and try something new in the name of Halloween deserve our hate.

Buckle up, we’re Power Ranking the worst Halloween-themed candy from “Best of the Worst” to “Worst of the Worst.”

Reese’s – White Peanut Butter Pumpkin


Enveloped in White Crème, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkin is as good as dumb Halloween-themed candy gets. We’d gladly eat this all year round, but there is a major caveat. The White Pumpkin suffers most from a design flaw – -an example of the theme getting in the way of the experience. Although the peanut butter mixes well with the crème, the pumpkin shape does no favors for this candy.

Yes, the White Pumpkins are bigger and a bit thicker than your average Reese’s peanut butter cup — meaning more candy for you! But the large size and easily meltable crème cause the candy to start to slip through your fingers the second you take your first bite and by the time you’ve finished your first White Pumpkin, your hands are a sticky mess.

Pass on this one, unless you don’t mind a mess or you want to eat your candy like Mr. Pitt. You pompous ass.


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