Take Another Hit Off Of The Finest Quotes That ‘Pineapple Express’ Has To Offer

If you want to make a cult classic, the quickest way to do it is to cater to stoners. Chances are they won’t be going anywhere once they pop in the movie and they’ll pretty much laugh at anything after a certain point. But it definitely helps when the movie (in this case, Pineapple Express) stars two comedically gifted actors such as Seth Rogen and James Franco, and they work off of a script that is laced with some truly great lines of dialogue. How many? Enough that we’re going back for another hit… so enjoy these additional Pineapple Express quotes, and if we missed any, let us know.

This is like if that Blue Oyster sh*t met that Afghan Kush I had and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and f*cked – this would the sh*t that they birthed. – Saul

A lot of work may not go into naming weed strains, but it takes a lot to know them all in and out. The way that Saul breaks down this description of an ultra rare strain called “Pineapple Express” shows you how much time he spends studying his product.

This is the future. This is, like, the apex of the vortex of joint engineering. … What you do is light all three ends at the same time and then the smoke converges, creating a trifecta of joint-smoking power. This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking. Future. The future… – Saul

Once the world was introduced to the cross joint, things were never the same. In case you were as flabbergasted as Dale when he saw it, here’s some good news. Seth Rogen took to YouTube to make a nifty how-to video.

No, I see. The monkey’s out of the bottle, man. – Saul

For most of Pineapple Express, Dale is trying to keep Saul at an arm’s length because he thinks he’s too good to have a weed dealer for a best friend. When Dale lets his self-righteousness slip, Saul lets him know that it’s too late to take it back once it’s out in the open.

I’m gonna flex and bust out of here. – Red

Danny McBride as Red is one of the jewels of Pineapple Express. But he went through a lot. Starting with an insane two-on-one brawl in his house that ended with him taped up to a chair. But, why did he announce his attempted escape?

Ah, well, sir. I feel like a, like a slice of butter… melting on top of a big-ol’ pile of flapjacks… yeah. – Private Miller

Pineapple Express was able to come up with its own origin story for weed and why it’s illegal. According to them, it was created by the U.S. military for some kind of testing (on Bill Hader) but deemed illegal after it was shown to make users–well, “feel like a slice of butter.”

It makes me aerodynamic when I fight. I can take danger. – Red

You know what Red and pretty much every male model have in common? Their armpits are smoother than a baby’s freshly lotioned bottom.

No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now who’s the funny guy? – Red

Dale was right to be suspicious of Red. But he kind of crossed the line when he asked too many questions about his recently deceased cat. You don’t go there, bro.

HERPES! – Saul

It would’ve been more believable if Red credited his busted lip to a fall or something like that. But luckily for us, he chose to go with herpes. Even luckier for us, he’s made some past decisions that made it believable enough for Saul to fear that he’d gotten a (un)healthy dose of herpes when Saul spit in his face.

What the f*ck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I’m gon’ die now probably! Man, I had y’all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This how you do me? – Red

Is it not a rule that once someone serves you fish tacos you can’t shoot them? Well, if not, it should be. Someone needs to look into that.

Um… I’m kind of in a hurry, man. I don’t know if we should start going down that road. I could talk all day about euthanasia. Don’t get me started. – Dale

Beware of the slippery slope of conversation that is euthanasia. You never know what may happen. Someone could ask you to pull the plug on their grandmother.

See? See? See, right there? You used to not give a f*ck about discretion! I seen you pull someone’s jawbone off! I seent it! You was ruthless! You was ruthless, man. – Matheson

It’s always a sad day when you realize the people you once respected are no longer what they used to be. In this case, Matheson realized his partner, Budlofsky, had gone soft.

Umm… heat seeking missiles… bloodhounds… foxes… barracudas…. – Saul

Saul’s list of ways he and Dale can be tracked down doesn’t make any sense, and that’s why it’s great.

She is really proud of me, and I’m gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I’m gonna become a civil engineer. I’m gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take sh*ts! You idiot, what the hell do you do? – Saul

You can’t knock an optimist. Even if Saul’s plan for the future doesn’t make much sense, you have to respect him for at least having one.

I’m trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I’m stoned or because I have no blood left in my body. – Red

Red just wouldn’t quit– at life or being the funniest person on screen whenever he was around. There’s something about seeing him casually sitting in a restaurant, half-burnt, and with at least two bullets still in his body that helps you appreciate what all he’s done.

This is an updated version of a post that originally ran in May of 2015.