There have been at least three dozen Barbie movies — from Barbie and the Rockers: Out of this World to Barbie: Mermaidia to Barbie & Her Sisters in The Great Puppy Adventure, which, if I’m be completely serious here, sounds amazing — but not a single one has been released in theaters. It was only a matter of time, especially after the box office success of Transformers, Trolls, The LEGO Movie, and other films based on cheap plastic. Today, Sony Pictures announced that Amy Schumer is starring in the live-action Barbie movie.
That’s the same Amy Schumer who spoofed Barbie’s unrealistic, impossibly perfect expectations for young girls with the Amy Schumer Doll, which comes with accessories like birth control pills and cranberry juice to help her UTI.
According to Deadline, “Schumer’s Barbie gets kicked out [of Barbieland], basically because she’s not perfect enough, is a bit eccentric, and doesn’t quite fit the mold. She then goes on an adventure in the real world and by the time she returns to Barbieland to save it, she has gained the realization that perfection comes on the inside, not the outside, and that the key to happiness is belief in one self, free of the obligation to adhere to some unattainable standard of perfection.” Um, spoiler much? I thought it was going to end with Barbie — after breaking up with that deadbeat Ken and setting fire to her Dreamhouse — being sent to a hellscape where she’s forced to listen to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” on repeat until the end of time. Also, she gets a new hat!
Toy Story‘s Barbie must be furious she didn’t get the role.