Just being nominated for an Oscar is an outstanding achievement. Not only does it mean that for the rest of time, you’ll be referred to as “Academy Award-nominee Kate Hudson,” no matter how ridiculous that sounds now, you also get a sweet swag bag. This year’s $125,000-worth assortment of free crap for Best Actor/Actress, Best Supporting Actor/Actress, and Best Director contenders includes a “3-night stay at a resort in Tuscany valued at $1,500,” “a luxury train ride through the Canadian Rockies worth more than $14,500,” and “$800 gift certificate for a custom candy and dessert buffet.” Oh yeah, and a vibrator and vaporizer, each valued at $250.
There are odds for Best Picture — why can’t Vegas let us bet on which nominee will “try out the goods” first? You can immediately cross off certain names, like Wes Anderson (too square), Meryl Streep (she’s already had her weed-smoking moment), and Morten Tyldum (not an actual person). The top-five, in some order, has to be Emma Stone, Edward Norton, Ethan Hawke, Julianne Moore, and Robert Duvall, who I’ve decided “wins” because the idea of Robert Duvall holding a vibrator in one hand and a vaporizer in the other makes me giggle.
