If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to have sex with (insert name of famous person here), there’s a Reddit thread running right now that may be of interest to you. It asks, simply, “Former groupies, what was your experience?” I waded through the thread a picked out a few that i felt were the most amusing/interesting. My favorite was the entry about John Mayer, who likes buttholes, apparently. Enjoy…
Darius Rucker…
A girl I used to have an on again, off again fling with had sex with Darius Rucker (hootie from hootie and the blowfish). She said he was a fantastic lay, a perfect gentleman, and even sang to her in the morning as he made her breakfast. On the way out he thanked her for being a good host and said she had a lovely house.
DMX…
friend of a roommate’s mother fucked DMX. we got his number from her cell phone but his answering machine message was just him barking for 30 seconds.
Lil B…
this chick at my school hooked up with based god when he preformed at our 4/20 spring jam festival thing and when she woke up in his hotel room he was gone, there was like 23 dollars and a little bag of really shitty weed by the bed. hilarious.
Ron White…
I know a girl who had sex with Ron White (I know, right? shudder).
She said, “It was very pink” when referring to his dong, but said he smoked her out with some super dank weed and had a fat stash to boot.
I ended up meeting him while I was working at the bar downtown that I worked at, gave him my number because, why the hell not, it’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.
He texted me a little while later saying he was waiting for his flight at the airport and asked me to send him naked pics.
I didn’t, but I had a nice laugh about the whole thing.
Chad Kroeger…
I know a girl who used to hook up with Chad Kroeger from Nickelback all the time. Said he is hung like a horse which kinda pisses me off.
Stephan Jenkins…
A friend of my banged Stephen Jenkins, the lead singer of Third Eye Blind. She was front row at a concert at the college she went to.. He told her to come backstage after the show and picked 2 other random girls too. After getting a closer look at them, he picked her and took her back to his trailer. I heard it was sweaty and he was REALLY fucked up (but what did you expect??)
It always just kinda made me squirm how he narrowed down the girls, looked em over, and picked his favorite like he was shopping for a sweater at the GAP.
Harry Styles…
I’ve made a throwaway because One Direction fans terrify me. I’m from NY and was back in chelsea on break from college up north. I visited my favorite cupcake shop and ran into Harry Styles. (You don’t get to be a 20 year old american girl without recognizing the band members of one direction.) I tipped him off that the red velvet cupcakes were the best of the lot and made an exit. This shop is on a pretty quiet street (one of the old cobbled ones: the few the proud), so I turned around when I heard “excuse me.” There was Harry, recommended cupcake in hand. He walked to the end of the block with me and there was a car waiting for him. I thought seriously about just going home, but i was pretty sure this was the kind of adventure that doesn’t happen twice, so I got in when he offered. We drove around for awhile behind tinted windows talking casually, and eventually ended up at his hotel. He got out with a security guy that had been sitting in the front seat and told the driver to take me a couple blocks away, giving me directions to find his handler in the hotel. It was honestly surreal and I thought he was being a little bit ridiculous until I saw the literal mob of teenage girls at the front door. I worked my way through the crowd (nobody stopped me because I wasn’t with Harry.) Surprisingly, his slightly vague directions panned out and I ended up in his suite. We had great conversations, good sex, and excellent champagne, at which point he needed to leave for some facet of his job, so I headed out of the hotel outside past the mob of fans. It was a really bizarre experience, and ultimately I feel bad for him after witnessing all the smoke and mirrors that went into a casual afternoon. He seemed like a good guy, and I hope he’s doing well, but I have no desire for a repeat. I’m a really private person and am unwilling to take the risk of my name or picture leaking.
EDIT: oh my god the number of penis specific questions. He had a slightly larger than average (in my experience, which honestly isn’t vast) dick. It wasn’t covered in glitter and it didn’t smell like sunflowers, just a pretty normal penis that he put to pretty good use.
Bloodhound Gang…
My ex wife and her friend hooked up with members of the Bloodhound Gang after a show in Denver. She still has an autographed cap from the day.
I didnt find out about this until I was already her boyfriend…and felt it would be a bit shallow to break up with her for it. But seriously…The Bloodhound Gang?
John Mayer…
This will get buried, but it’s a hilarious story and hopefully someone will read it.
My good friend’s ex-girlfriend is really good friends with a girl that was way into trying to fuck musicians. Like, this was her thing, and she was good at it. One night, John Mayer rolled through town during one of his tours. After his show, said friend of ex-girlfriend made her way back stage and got invited to hang out with John. Again, this is her thing and she’s good at. Pretty uneventful shit so far, but apparently at some point during the encounter her and John started to make out fairly heavily. This eventually lead to, in the heat of the moment, John leaning into this girl’s ear and whispering, “Let me see your fucking butthole”. Word for word, this is (apparently) what was said. I don’t know if said butthole was ever shown to Mr. Mayer, but I’d like to think it was.
TL;DR – John Mayer has an asshole fetish.
(Via Reddit)
