The most popular guy in WWE has had a rough road to WrestleMania. First he eliminated everyone but one the Elimination Chamber, only to lose to Roman Reigns. Then there was no real direction for the Monster Among Men. Then he was seen as a backup plan. Then he won a battle royal to be the one man No. 1 contender for the Raw Tag Team Championship, despite not being a tag team. (Although he nearly weighs as much as one.)
Now the man has his match, though he’s still missing a partner. If Braun is lacking ideas for his big WrestleMania stunt (because, yes, the WWE Universe, whether we know it or not, demands a stunt), look no further.
Behold: a list of geographic inspirations for Braun’s WrestleMania GIFable moment. As the resident New Orleanian on the With Spandex staff, I assure you I am highly qualified to put this together.
The Smoothie Truck
In honor of the Stone Cold beer truck and the Olympic Gold Medalist milk truck, let’s see Braun Strowman annihilate The Bar with a huge smoothie truck from next door’s Smoothie King Center. It’ll probably be filled with The Hulk, Smoothie King’s trademark mixture for people trying to bulk up. (27 grams of fat in the 20-ounce version.)
It’s going to be a lot thicker than milk or beer (Butter Pecan Ice Cream, Bananas, Weight Gain Blend, Non-Fat Milk, Vanilla), so while losing points for originality, Braun gains points for how difficult this will be. If his partner is a returning James Ellsworth, he can even aim some smoothie his way, causing James to gain weight. Because that’s how The Hulk works. The smoothie, not the Marvel character. Now Braun is stuntin’ on his victims and his partner in the short and long term.
And we all know Braun is a fan of feats of eatin’, so maybe he’ll just upturn the truck full of smoothie into his own mouth.
The Superdome Blackout
New Orleans last hosted the Super Bowl in 2013 — the year the Ravens outlasted the 49ers, and Beyonce triggered a blackout that caused a hefty delay of game. Sure, it’s been five years, and people don’t really talk about the blackout anymore. But picture Braun Strowman causing a blackout that people will talk about five years from now.
I’m talking about my man scaling the rafters and tipping over a huge power transformer, causing the entire building to black out for at least 35 minutes, making it last longer than Bey’s. (Look, I don’t know how electricity works and I know that 35 minutes is a long time, but this is how you get the internet talking, people.)
All of the Alligators
If you’ve ever watched a TV show based in New Orleans, you’ve probably seen a car zipping through the famous French Quarter (downtown) and then pull up at a swamp (not downtown) after turning off Bourbon Street. Through the magic of television and hyperbole, many people assume there’s dangerous wildlife lurking around every corner in the Big Easy.
While that is most certainly, definitely, false, WWE can bend that narrative to its advantage by having Braun Strowman wrestle all of the alligators in the city at the same time. After he wins the Raw tag team titles (with whoever), Braun can stomp out of the Superdome, make a left turn, magically end up on the banks of some bayou and start pinning gators. If Bray Wyatt gets involved, it’s in his contract that he gets pinned by the same alligator multiple times.
The Streetcar Flip
The St. Charles Avenue line is the most famous and the oldest continuous running street railway system in the world. All of that can change when Strowman comes to town looking to outdo himself.
Similar to the ambulance flip followed by the semi-truck flip, the streetcar flip is the logical third beat. Turning the most charming way of getting around the most charming city on the planet into the scariest, most unreliable way is a stunt that has Braun written all over it.
After ripping the line apart for his WrestleMania stunt, Strowman can show his desire to be a decent human being and rebuild the entire thing, effectively creating a Streetcar Named Strowman.