While it’s probably more accurate to call John Cena an action movie hero and cultural Renaissance man than a “WWE Superstar,” he still knows what WWE fans care about the most: that terrible haircut he’s had for most of the last year and vowed to keep until further notice.
In a positive bit of news that still doesn’t get him back into a wrestling ring any time soon (unless he’s wearing a backwards cap, I guess), Big Coif John released a video in his very skilled Mandarin Chinese to debut his new haircut, self-described as looking, “more like WWE John Cena.” Praise be to the God of the Lightning Fist!
In case you can’t watch the video, here’s the new before and after:
“Hello, friends! Long time no see. A year ago I shot a film with Jackie Chan. The director asked me if I could change my hairstyle, so right now you can see it’s long and wild. Now I’m filming a new movie and the director asked me if I can change my hairstyle, so now I will [snip snip snip] my hair. My new role in this film is a secret! I can’t tel you anything about this role, but I can let you see my new look! See ya!
Hello friends, look at me now! I have a lot less hair now, so I’m all done with my hairstyle change for my new role in my new action movie. I’ll probably have another haircut in the future, just a small cut, but for now, I will look more like WWE John Cena. That look is similar to what I look like now, so a lot of WWE fans will be very excited. I’m excited because my hair is now comfortable and not wild and crazy. So now you see me! See ya!”
Now to figure out what this mystery role that requires him to look like WWE John Cena could be. He’s already voiced The Hulk and he’s got a Lightning Fist, so maybe he’s finally Five Knuckle-Shuffling his way into the MCU as Razor Fist in the Shang-Chi movie? US Agent? Invisible Man??