Previously on the Best and Worst of WCW Thunder: Diamond Dallas Page defended the United States Championship against Chris Benoit until The Flock ruined it, Dusty Rhodes attempted to explain why a secondary weekend shows color commentator would need to join the New World Order, and Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael wore a track suit. Exciting things are happening on Thunder® brand WCW!
If you’d like to watch this week’s episode on WWE Network, click here. In the coming weeks you’ll be able to read all the Thunder recaps on its UPROXX tag page, and of course if you’re reading these, you’re hopefully reading the corresponding Nitro bits as well.
Note: This is still a relatively new vintage column in the rotation, so if you like it, please make sure to comment below and share the column on all (or at least some) of your social media. It helps, especially now that I’m the only one writing them!
And now, the Best and Worst of WCW Thunder for February 12, 1998.
Worst: The One Where Thunder Decides It Only Exists To Set Up Nitro
You know those really tiresome Monday Night Raw opening segments where an authority figure or a heel you don’t want to hear cutting 20-minute promos cuts a 20-minute promo to set up a match they could’ve set up with a graphic and the announce team saying “this is a match tonight?” Remember when the brand split hadn’t happened again yet, and Smackdown was like a weird testing ground for stuff they’d eventually do on Raw, and only seemed to be around to set up Raw matches? Welcome to this week’s Thunder, which combines both of those things and adds a bucket of Hulk Hogan.
This week’s show is built around the ongoing beef between nWo Pecking Order Coordinator Hollywood Hogan and a guy who’s in the nWo but can’t stop punching them, Macho Man Randy Savage. Hogan opens the night by saying an apology is in order … from the Macho Man, who needs to understand that Hollywood Hogan is better and more important than him, and that Hogan will still be shitting on him in unrelated documentaries long after he’s dead. Eric Bischoff has apparently made a match between the Mega Powers and Sting and Lex Luger for Monday night’s main event, and Hogan’s like, “bruh, you should totally appreciate the opportunity I’m giving you.” Savage punches both of them in the face. Man, imagine how much different pro wrestling would be today if somebody punched Hulk Hogan in the face every time he did something selfish.
The main event of the evening is Lex Luger vs. Ric Flair. If you’re reading this and you’re like, “wow, I haven’t seen Flair show up in one of these vintage reports in a while, what the hell happened to him?” the best I can offer you is a rumor from the time about how WCW tried to turn him heel for no reason in that Roddy Piper feud, then got mad and took him off TV when people didn’t want to boo him. Imagine a world after 1992 where you expect wrestling crowds to boo Ric Flair. ESPECIALLY when you’re putting him up against one of WCW’s worst characters. It’d be like if they brought in the Ultimate Warrior and had him hiding in mirrors and vanish through trap doors and shit and were like, “he’s the good guy, cheer for him, he wants to beat up Sting, a guy you’ve been begging us to let you see for two years.”
All you really need to know about the match is that (surprise!) the nWo shows up and beats up everyone in retaliation for Savage punking out Hogan earlier in the night. Most weeks Hogan won’t let you go an entire episode without getting his heat back. Sting jogs out to run them off, and that somehow sets up the main event for Monday. It’ll be Sting and a guy who has turned on him like fourteen times taking on the nWo super team of the guy in charge of the nWo and his blood rival who’s hated him for a decade. It’s like Battlebowl, but for logic!
Join us on Monday for a blockbuster main event that totally won’t end in another nWo run-in.
Best: Now That We’ve Gotten The Hogan Content Taken Care Of, We Can Focus On The More Important Things In This Episode
… like Glacier getting into a karate fight with Goldberg!
This week features one of my favorite early Goldberg squashes against Caucasian ice ninja and site-favorite Glacier. This is the one where William Scott Goldberg breaks out the back handspring for the first time since his debut against Hugh Morrus, and it works because we weren’t really paying attention to that match and hadn’t thought about the particulars in a while. Plus, the original back handspring happened for no reason, he just did it to look cool. This one’s happening in the middle of a kick combination, and it rules.
And sure, maybe I’m a total Blood Runs Cold homer, but I remember this (and specifically the back handspring kick dodge) as the moment I was like, “oh shit, Bill Goldberg is GREAT.” It’s the kind of spectacular nonsense you need to rehabilitate your image after you’ve tried to paralyze a couple of people on the weekend shows and shit the bed so bad with Steven Regal it got him fired.
Oh, and speaking of blood running cold …
Best: Water Runs Colder Than Blood
The show opens with a Billy Kidman vs. Prince Iaukea match, and in the middle of it Tony Schiavone’s like, “fans, we’re getting word that there’s something going on in the back, let’s go to the back RIGHT NOW,” and you expect them to throw it back to like, a big brawl or something. Instead, we cut to a two-shot of Raven and Scotty Riggs hanging out in a hallway and nothing happening. Ah, so it’s one of those 2002 TNA “we need to go to the back immediately for the pre-taped backstage segment” breaking stories.
Mortis shows up and is like, “hey man, I’m tired of being in a team of supernatural pit-fighters tasked with obtaining rare artifacts for a Satanic collector, can I be on your team of grunge rock henchmen?” Raven tells him yes … as long as he can beat Diamond Dallas Page tonight. So this is officially the beginning of Raven and Kanyon’s story, as well as Kanyon and DDP. That’s some utility storytelling in your otherwise unwatchable Prince Iaukea segment.
Worst: Louie Spicolli’s Final Appearance
Kidman vs. the Prince also serves as a backdrop for nWo pledge Louie Spicolli joining the announce team and finding out he’s scheduled for a match against Larry Zbyszko at SuperBrawl. Spicolli is indignant and insists the match won’t happen, which the announcers tease him about … but it turns out he’s correct, because as mentioned in the Best and Worst of Nitro before this, Spicolli dies in his sleep only three days later. He’d gotten clean, but he found out his mom was dying of terminal cancer and it caused him to relapse. He was only 27 years old. It extends beyond the definition of tragedy.
Worst: Hard Stairs
To take your mind off of that for a minute, let’s talk about Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael vs. Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart. If that statement starts to chill you after a couple of moments’ consideration, then don’t be alarmed. A feeling of intense and crushing religious terror at the concept indicates only that you are still sane.
Mongo’s been in a “punch each other and walk around until they go to commercial” feud with the British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith, so of course he’s got to have a Thunder match with Anvil. Anvil’s been getting over lately using a great combination of “putting a paper cone on my thumb and pretending it makes nerve holds hurt more” and “being related to Bret Hart.” During this match he tries to use a three-point stance against Mongo — an act in the ballpark of tugging on Superman’s cape and/or spitting into the wind — so Mongo takes him to the woodshed and tries to crush him with some stairs (pictured).
The problem is that when he’s about to use the stairs as a weapon, Bulldog’s supposed to run out and hit him from behind to end the match. Bulldog misses his cue, though, so Mongo’s left standing at ringside with these stairs over his head, and Anvil has to clearly roll out of the way because he’s got way too much time and would look like an idiot if he just lied there. Behold:
smdh
Great job, everybody.
British Bulldog returns later in the night for a match against Sick Boy, and of course Mongo runs out the second it’s over to throw hands. I’m sad he didn’t do a run-in when the match started, pick up the stairs over his head and just stand at ringside pretending he’s going to attack the apron or whatever until it was over. But yeah, they engage in an extremely believable pull-apart brawl where they have to do big slow Hulk Hogan punches to make sure security’s quick enough to stop them. This sets up their big showdown at SuperBrawl, which is so bad it (1) derails Bulldog’s entire WCW career and (2) ensures WCW never puts Mongo into a marquee singles feud again.
Note: It’s honestly not that bad, but it’s built around the psychology of Bulldog hurting Mongo’s wrist so he can’t hit a three-point stance. And it’s like, bro, you’ve got another wrist. Or you can just run at the guy and hit him with your shoulder, because this isn’t football and they aren’t gonna throw the flag.
Best: Jersey Strong
If you’re wondering how things end up for Kanyon, he …
… does not beat Diamond Dallas Page for the United States Championship. Huh.
He does well, because Mortis is secretly great, but 1998 DDP is OP and you’re SOL trying to get the 1-2-3. I either just described a match for Thunder or activated the Winter Soldier, I’m not sure. The Flock carries Mortis away while Lodi calls him a loser, and Raven stops them at the top of the ramp to kick this poor living Karate Fighter in the stomach and DDT him.
The Flock returns to ruin a probably-would’ve-been-great Raven vs. Chris Benoit match, because of course they do, and Diamond Dallas Page returns from the crowd to help fight them off. If there’s one thing WCW’s doing truly right at this point (besides letting Chris Jericho embrace his inner weirdness), it’s building a web of interlocked challengers and personalities for its secondary championship. Diamond Dallas Page is the United States Champion and wants to put Chris Benoit over, but Raven and the Flock (and specifically Perry Saturn) are here to make sure he can’t. You’ve got guys like Mortis trying to evolve their characters and jump into the action, and you’ve got guys like Rick Martel, Fit Finlay and TV Champion Booker T all ready to throw hands as well. It’s an incredible batch of talent, and once they throw in Dean Malenko and figure out how to do great tag matches it’s going to be the best part of the show. Soon!
Wait, does that person have a “SESSIONS 3:16” sign? Please tell me that Jerry Lee Lewis convinced Jeff Sessions to join the Flock.
Worst: Vincent Tries To Out-Cue British Bulldog
Remember a long time ago when Mongo had those stairs over his head like an idiot and just stood there waiting for an uncomfortable amount of time because Davey Boy missed his cue? Wrestling Superstar Virgil is like, “hold my beer can full of meat sauce.”
The spot (as far as I can tell) is supposed to go like this: Chris Adams is grounding and pounding Buff Bagwell, and he’s supposed to see Vincent climbing up the ropes to interfere out of the corner of his eye. While the referee is checking on Buff, Adams is supposed to turn and superkick Vincent off the ropes, leaving him open to a sneak attack from Buff. Instead, Vincent completely whiffs the timing and forces Adams to get to his feet, back up and directly look at him. The referee can’t pretend he’s talking to Buff forever, so by the time Vincent’s doing the thing, everyone’s standing around watching him. It’s the saddest thing. BEHOLD:
I want to make a 1998 WCW improv troupe where Mongo and Virgil let every scene go on forever, because they aren’t confident enough to make the edit. Just a shitload of stutter-stepping.
Best: Chris Jericho Vs. Billy Silverman
Chris Jericho’s wonderful contribution to this week’s Thunder is trying to wrestle with his Cruiserweight Championship belt on. Referee Billy Silverman is like, “come on, man, you’re disrespecting Chavo Guerrero Jr.,” and has to physically intimidate him to make him take it off. Jericho, being wonderful, goes into full-on Ric Flair “oh no please don’t hurt me” mode. There’s nothing more classic WCW (or NWA) than a heel acting like a big shot and getting shown up by the ref. How many times did the referee kick Ric Flair’s arm to make him let go of the ropes and take a sunset flip? How many times did that happen while Flair was bare-assed?
The match only happens to get to the post-match bit, where Jericho won’t let go of the Lion Tamer and Juventud Guerrera shows up to make the save. Jericho gets the better of him, and tries to untie Juvy’s mask and unmask him in the middle of a Thunder. The announce team can’t get over how disrespectful this is, which is cute considering literally everything else Chris Jericho does between 1998 and now.
Best: The Faces Of Fear Are Breaking Up!
Sort of?
Meng has a match against Hugh Morrus, and the story is that Jimmy Hart used to manage them both in the Dungeon of Doom, so catty occultist anti-Hulkamania shenanigans may occur. The most important thing I need to show you from the match is this No Laughing Matter from Morrus, which … well, look at it for yourself:
What’s that called, the Laughing Matter? Brother looks like Vader moonsaulting onto Cory and Topanga at the end of that Boy Meets World episode.
Meng’s able to put him away with the Tongan Death Grip, but he won’t let go, and Jimmy Hart ends up having an Organized Crime Kick lobbed in his general direction. This brings out The Barbarian to cool Meng’s hot heart, but Meng Tonganly Death Grips HIM, and it’s ON. It’s less of a heel turn or a face turn and more of Meng being an uncontrollable monster who may or may not realize he spent too many years living in a haunted mountain castle with a fat jester and a 1950s music guy.
Next Week:
The go-home show for a Super Brawl features Super Calo once again drawing the dreaded La Parka tarot card, Dean Malenko challenges Chris Jericho for the Cruiserweight Championship to set up so many wonderful things in the future, and Sting tries to wrestle the Macho Man without Hogan showing up in a bulldozer or whatever and smooshing them both.
