Now, 10 important questions about this video:
1. How did Johnny Football get into the “best of the best” club before LeBron James?
Johnny Manziel won the Heisman Trophy in 2012. LeBron James has been considered one of if not the best basketball player in the world since his debut in 2003, but even if we’re qualifying “best of the best” as “championship wins” the Heat won in 2012. Worst case scenario, shouldn’t LeBron and Johnny Football have gone in at the same time?
2. Is the “undisclosed McDonald’s location” in College Station?
Because that would explain #1.
3. Why is Alex Morgan wearing soccer clothes and holding a soccer ball?
Johnny Manziel isn’t wearing his uniform. LeBron James didn’t show up in his jersey and shorts holding a basketball, he’s wearing a cardigan. Why is Alex Morgan outfitted in full soccer gear, holding a soccer ball? Did she just come from a game? More importantly, did the people who made this commercial think we wouldn’t recognize Alex Morgan unless she was wearing a shirt that said SOCCER across the front? Trust me, McDonald’s, it’s fine, it’s Alex Morgan.
Maybe she’s trying to organize a game and can’t get anybody to throw in because eating McDonald’s and running without your heart exploding are mutually exclusive.
4. Is LeBron seriously wearing bright-ass yellow pants with that outfit?
Is he trying to look like the burger?
5. Also, is the “undisclosed McDonald’s location” in outer space?
When LeBron gives the password, he’s ushered into what appears to be a bustling study though … what is that, an airlock? Are we eating bacon cheeseburgers on an orbiting space station? The only other explanation I can find for these two sets going together is that the commercial takes place in X-Men film continuity and we’re partying at Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters.
(This would also explain Johnny Manziel’s presence.)
6. Does graduating from college qualify you to be the best of the best?
Sorry, LeBron, turns out you could’ve had this special sauce baconator like 7 years ago if you hadn’t skipped college. Follow-up thought, did that guy graduate from Hamburger University?
7. Wait, is that Fandango’s original dance partner?
Is THAT where she’s been? At the Secret Burger Barn? That … doesn’t seem like a place she’d go.
Question 7b, did they seriously let a guy with a bird-print shirt into the Best of the Best?
8. Has the special new Great People Burger been sitting out under a heat lamp all day?
The party is in full swing when LeBron gets there, and he’s the only one eating. Has his personal burger been sitting out the entire time, or did they send a minimum wage servant type shuffling out with a burger when they saw him coming through the airlock? Also, how hilarious is it that even the special, fictional McDonald’s is super unsanitary and leaves their food sitting out under a warmer?
Also also:
9. Can we get better service at the Hidden Mickey-Ds?
LeBron is led through the party by a McDonald’s employee, and when they get to the burger she just kinda closes her eyes and nods in its direction. LeBron takes his cue and does one of those Kate Upton burger-eats where he holds up the sandwich at shoulder level with his fingertips. If you’re gonna “serve” the best basketball player in the world, shouldn’t you do more than vaguely gesture at nearby food? BRING THE MAN A FORK, THIS IS HIGH CLASS.
10. Did LeBron just destroy the sacred fraternity of the Bacon Clubhouse?
This is his first day in the club. They serve him a special burger reserved for the best of the best. He says “you should serve it to everyone!” before taking a bite, and now it’s available at participating McDonald’s. Did LeBron just ruin this for everyone? Did he just compromise the integrity of a loyal order simply by suggestion, or is there more to the story? Did he DEMAND McDonald’s serve the burger to everyone? Is he a hero to the people, or did he f*ck up Alex Morgan’s secret lunch? Is there any point to being the best at something anymore?
McDonald’s, if you’re reading this, I apologize for LeBron’s actions, recommend you keeping any future boss burgers away from him and suggest you hamburgle his championship rings as payment.
